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Take The Wheel.

This is NOT an ode to a country song. Or, a religious jaunt. Hell to the no. Although, I do like the titled, aforementioned song. It's a good fable about letting go, letting God...you know, that old jazz.  It's a mantra.  That said, I had an epiphany today.  It's a good one, bear with me.  I've talked about my frenemy, ad nauseum. I know-it's getting pretty boring. I wish I could say, in my life, she's just as boring as hearing about her, but alas...the one thing she isn't is THAT.  Well, I have been through a lot of psychotherapy in my life-since early childhood. I struggled with ADHD and ODD as a child-which led my parents to take me in the first time. Keep in mind-these were the days that there were no IEP's, no accommodations, no sympathy for that devil. ADHD had no name, other than-hyperactivity, or "spirited"  So, the conclusion many parents came to was- my child must be mentally ill. What else could it be?  So, they took me in, and began...
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2.5 months

  Transitions are fun.  Said no Mama T, ever.  I'm not a fan of change-first off, Taurus girl here. Fixed sign, grounded, stubborn, unmoving unless food is involved. You know, that old chestnut.  Side note: Yes, I DO believe in astrology as a guideline into personality traits and behaviors-but not so much into "telling the future" Again, I'm a Taurus and given our practical nature, well...I digress.  Anywho.  Change. That's the subject. Transitions/changes etc... Big changes like empty nesting, retirement, weddings, childbirth. Etc... But because I also suffer my frenemy-(diagnosed generalized anxiety disorder) I also recoil on the little changes too.  Example...the end of another school year and summer off.  This is not a bad thing, I know. But, transitioning into the shiftless-lay-about lifestyle has never been an easy path for me.  I spend ten months seemingly running, running, running-little work/life balance. And before you think it...ye...
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Caught In The Rain

For him. You said you were caught in the rain when you called. I smiled because you called. It was a day that I wished could have been better, and you said the same. It's like the blind leading the blind as far as we are concerned. Scared-scarred hopeless romantics biding our time until the words get said. Will they? I wanted to be there with you-smiling up at you Trying to find a sign behind those sea-blue eyes. I wanted the rain to drip from your lips like honey to mine And to hear-I'm yours. I wanted to be wrapped up in your woolen coat feeling your heartbeat behind the cross. No matter the meaning-I knew what was there. Underneath it all. You said you were caught in the rain when you called. And I was warm at home. But I couldn't stop myself from wishing I were caught in the rain too. Because if I were-I would be standing next to you.
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Impure Thoughts....

I was recently watching a special on VH1 about abstinence and a fairly new tradition that has become increasingly popular in the last 10 years-especially here, in the bible belt of the good ol' USA. Purity Balls. I HAD to comment. First off...what purity balls are: (courtesy of Wikipedia) "A formal ball dance event attended by fathers and their daughters. Purity balls promote virginity until marriage for teenage girls, and are often closely associated with Evangelical Christian churches in the USA. Typically, daughters who attend make a virginity pledge; a pledge to remain sexually abstinent until marriage. Fathers who attend pledge to protect what they view as their young daughters' purity of mind, body, and soul. Proponents promote a strong father-daughter relationship as a means to affirm what they consider to constitute spiritual and physical purity." Ok...deep breath...here goes Jadedgirl on a complete and total rant. First off...it's creeptastic. ...
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Cutting Teeth. (Or why I hate trolls)

I have been thinking a lot today about my new writing assignment-or NANOWRIMO. Truth be told, I'm getting a little freaked out by it. Or, overwhelmed...if you will. Writing a novel is a BIG undertaking, and scares the holy crap outta me. I'm excited too, don't get me wrong. But, (sigh) the self-doubting troll that lives in my brain has been rearing it's ugly voice more often than naught lately. It talks to me... Yes, I said it...my self-doubting troll talks to me. Yeah...like you don't have a self-doubting troll in your head that talks to you. Oh...you don't? My bad. Anyway, it says things like..."But, Jaded...what if you get bored and don't finish-you fickle bitch!" And "But Jaded...what if it just royally sucks and no one would ever want to read it?" And...last but not least it says: "You will never come up with an ending. Your ending will suck." And that last whisper of the troll...is what is plaguing me the mos...
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4 year binge...now purged.

I wanted to purge today. I briefly mentioned in my last post about someone who let me down...hell, I'll just say it-it was Doug. I won't go into deep details, I'll just say that his selfishness knows no bounds apparently. I always knew he was a bit selfish, but this? I never imagined. So, I am done. We are no longer friends...acquaintances...lovers...buddies... We are NOTHING. This move, or decision was very difficult for me. I have been hanging on by a thread as it is with him...and probably would have forever in some aspect had he not done this. Maybe he did me a favor...who knows? What I do know is this: I'm done. And true to the self-torturous and self-afflicting person I am...of course...I miss him, terribly. I miss him more now than I have-probably ever. I keep getting flashes of him in my head, and I have to shake them off. It's been a really hard week for me, what can I say, really? So, getting to my point here... (yes...I did have a poin...
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Here goes nothin....

My wonderful writing cohorts have led me down a narrow path. LOL It's not dark...but it IS scary. I am going to try to begin a manuscript, and in order to do this...I have decided to enroll my lazy, undisciplined ass into NANOWRIMO (an anagram for a writing contest hosted every year) My mission? 50,000 words in 30 days. That averages out to be something around 1,500 words a day. All following a story. Unedited, of course. So...who thinks I have lost my FUCKING mind? Ok...besides me...that makes a few of us. Either way...here goes nothing. I am NOT going to write an outline, or plan anything...I am just going to shoot from the hip and cross my fingers that I am able to put something together that doesn't read like this: "All work and no play, makes T a dull girl...All work and no play makes T a dull girl..." Etc... There's no snow on the ground yet, and I don't own an axe...so I think we are safe. I think... This, my friends, is going ...
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