Out On A Limb...

Had a great time at the Blogger bash last night. I finally got to meet Sue... (woot-woot!) And Jack (yay!) And Sim (ah yeah!) And Katie's Dazoo (right on!) But missed Johanna (BOO!!!) And KL (HISS!!!) And BJ (DARN!) And JenJW (UGH!) SO, otherwise I wanted to say thanks for the hugs and words of encouragement from everyone and the awesome graduation gift from Sue. (Love ya!) It was a good night, and you were all right: I needed it. I hope someone posts pics soon! And I hope that Katie wasn't too hung over today. :o) Have a great hump day, ya'll. -Jaded

Ok...I will be there. BUT, I prolly can't make it til Like 7:45 or so. Will anyone still be there at that time? Cause if not...I'm not sure I can swing it. I have a job interview at the Peoria Art Guild at 7pm tommorrow night. IF people will still be there...I will make it, for sure, otherwise...I have to miss ya'll again.

Doesnt look good for the bash. I dont think I have a sitter. I'll keep working on it, but my resources are thin. I have to find someone who will do it for free, cause I cant afford to pay someone. My brother can't do it cause he has to golf. So... I'll do what I can. Trust me, you people probably dont wanna be around me right now anyway. I'm a terrible cliche.

I'm really low today. I mean really, really low. I thought things were getting easier, better...more normal. Nope. I am just feeling so worthless, so hopeless, so alone in this world. I tried... I tried to move on, I tried to fix myself with therapy, with pills, with a positive attitude. It appears that I am unfixable. To everyone, including myself. I'm just not sure what to do anymore...about me. About the desperate 37 year old trainwreck I have become. I really don't want anyone else to be apart of my pathetic life anymore. I truly have nothing left to give. Not even to me. Signing off... T

Anyone know when/where/time the blogger bash is? Thanks, yo. -Jaded UPDATE: Anyone else who didn't know...heres the skinny per Ramble On: July 29 is the fifth Tuesday of the month, so that means it’s time for Blogger Bash. It wil start roughly at 6 p.m. Tuesdat at the Recovery Room, 802 W. Pioneer Parkway in Peoria. It’s the scene of the first, unofficial mini Blogger Bash, held many years ago.Everyone is invited. I hope I can make it this time...I'm gonna try. Hugs- Jaded

So recently I talked about talking to Doug about seeing other people. And I talked about Mark. And I talked about Joe. The new prospects, if you will... This is an update to the topic. Mark and I are just friends and it is going to remain that way, I'm afraid. While we did have mutual attraction, we just both have too many issues. The baggage outweighs us by leaps and bounds. He is a great guy, truly...I just don't see anything besides a buddy vibe there. He's a hot guy, though...and I am sure that he will be snatched up by some willing hot girl soon. I hope he does...he deserves to be happy. Then there is Joe. Joe and I never did go on a date, and I spoke of him being maybe a bit of an ass. (that comes from a cruel badly timed joke about a job on his part a little while back) NEVER joke about a great job to a desperate woman who needs one...NOW. SO not funny. UGH. Anyway...We never did hook up, we did meet for one drink and talked online for awhile. But...I just wasn't...

Pretty much sums it up...

I remember spending entire weekends at Doug's apartment...those times when we got it just right: great sex, a nice meal out, lazy afternoons watching Nova, and me alternately thumbing through a Cosmo and laughing together at some of the far-fetched advice, and then on Sunday evening I was on my way home -sated and a little sad. We talked about our lives a little bit, but mostly I just got to lose myself with him... He would give me one of those soft cotton T-shirts to lounge in and to wear home, or I would throw on one of his hoodies if it was chilly. They always smelled like him, like us: like pot and sex, his skin and my shampoo. The sleeves of the hoodie would fall to my fingertips, and I always felt enclosed, comforted, as if he were hugging me tight, holding my hands... Those weekends were poetry, and hedonsitic bliss. They felt right, they felt good, and yes....they felt at times like...forever. 2 months after we started going out I asked him once what he saw when he looked i...

So...ok something different than my usual bitching and moaning about my love life or lack thereof lately... I'll just come out and say it... I am not voting in the presidential election this term. Yeah...I said it, wanna start something??? And before some one says something commentarily about how "If you don't vote...you can't bitch..." let me say this first: Yes I CAN. I CAN because my choice didn't make it in...and if he had...win or lose, I would have voted. I just gotta say...I don't like my choices this year. And staying true to my liberal independent stance...I REFUSE to vote for the Democrat just because he is liberal. Period. Being an independent means that I vote my conscience...I vote for my choice...the most qualified in my opinion...republican, democrat, green, libertarian (sp?) Doesn't matter to me as long as I agree with his policies, and believe in him (or her). That is precisely who I vote for...no if's and's or buts... I do lik...

Something has to change. Un-deniable dilemma. Boredoms not a burden Anyone should bear. Constant over stimulation numbs me But I wouldnt want you Any other way. Just, not enough. I need more. Nothing seems to satisfy. I said, I dont want it. I just need it. To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive. Finger deep within the borderline. Show me that you love me and that we belong together. Relax, turn around and take my hand. I can help you change Tired moments into pleasure. Say the word and well be Well upon our way. Blend and balance Pain and comfort Deep within you Till you will not want me any other way. But, its not enough. I need more. Nothing seems to satisfy. I said, I dont want it. I just need it. To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive. Knuckle deep inside the borderline. This may hurt a little but its something you'll get used to. Relax. slip away... Something kinda sad about The way that things have come to be. Desensitized to everything. What became of su...

Something has to change. Un-deniable dilemma. Boredoms not a burden Anyone should bear. Constant over stimulation numbs me But I wouldnt want you Any other way. Just, not enough. I need more. Nothing seems to satisfy. I said, I dont want it. I just need it. To breathe, to feel, to know Im alive. Finger deep within the borderline. Show me that you love me and that we belong together. Relax, turn around and take my hand. I can help you change Tired moments into pleasure. Say the word and we'll be Well upon our way. Blend and balance Pain and comfort Deep within you Till you will not want me any other way. But, its not enough. I need more. Nothing seems to satisfy. I said, I dont want it. I just need it. To breathe, to feel, to know Im alive. Knuckle deep inside the borderline. This may hurt a little but its something you'll get used to. Relax. slip away.... Something kinda sad about The way that things have come to be. Desensitized to everything. What became of subtlety? How can ...

When I took Psych 110 back in the day, the instructor taught us about random reinforcement. You put three groups of rats in three seperate cages, each equipped with a bar. The first group of rats got a pellet every time they pressed the bar at the end of the little maze, the second group never got pellets, no matter how many times they completed the maze and pressed the bar. And the third group got pellets just once in awhile. The first group, the instructor said, eventually gets bored with the guaranteed reward, and the rats who never get treats will give up eventually as well. But the random rats will press on that magic bar forever, hoping each and every time that the magic will happen, that this time they will finally get lucky. I think I have it figured out finally...I am a rat. And I have friends that are rats as well... For instance, my friend "S" is the one with the guaranteed reward...the one who has been give good things all the time in her life and yet...she is b...

There is a new post at my other blog. For those of you who read me...this is one you will want to read. It's an update. For reasons you will understand when you read the new post I cannot post here. So...if you have my other blog address...cool. Take a look. If not, you will have to email me to get it. Hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th. -Jaded PS...For Becs, Ramble and Jen... I start the headshrinker on July 8th...just thought you'd wanna know. Hugs.