I briefly mentioned in my last post about someone who let me down...hell, I'll just say it-it was Doug.
I won't go into deep details, I'll just say that his selfishness knows no bounds apparently. I always knew he was a bit selfish, but this? I never imagined.
So, I am done.
We are no longer friends...acquaintances...lovers...buddies...
We are NOTHING.
This move, or decision was very difficult for me. I have been hanging on by a thread as it is with him...and probably would have forever in some aspect had he not done this. Maybe he did me a favor...who knows?
What I do know is this: I'm done.
And true to the self-torturous and self-afflicting person I am...of course...I miss him, terribly.
I miss him more now than I have-probably ever.
I keep getting flashes of him in my head, and I have to shake them off.
It's been a really hard week for me, what can I say, really?
So, getting to my point here... (yes...I did have a point)
I decided that a purge was necessary.
I am going to post every song that reminded me of him, or that he says reminded him of me, or any that seem to fit and make me think of him here.
The words should tell the story.
The key is this: 1 if it reminds him of me.
2 if it reminds me of him.
3 if it is something that makes me think of him in general, or
it was added to a mixed cd for him.
After I am done here...I am erasing all of the songs from my IPOD, and my computer. If I hear them on the radio...I will abruptly change the station.
This is my last hurrah, folks. I'm done thinking of him-friendly, sexual, loathsome, or otherwise.
My 4 year apoplexy stops here.
Now without further ado...the list.
1:
3:
2:
1:
2:
3:
2:
2:
2:
2:
2:
1:
2:
1:
2:
2:
2:
1:
Wow...I'd like to say that was painful. But...again, going back to my last post-I feel nothing. I didn't shed a tear listening to these.
This was partially an experiment to see if this would move something in me-it didn't.
This is really very scary.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the music...this is the last time I will be listening to these particular songs as I said before.
Purge over. Now, time to clean up the mess I made.
Last thought-
"We'll have to change our jaded ways...but I've loved these days."
-Billy Joel
Like a stone,
Jaded
Comments
Before I begin this-let me say...I like you. I think you are a good writer and a decent person. We don't agree on some things- but for the most part I found you interesting and friendly, and have respect for your writing style.
Now...that being said...
You don't know anything about me, really.
I am NOT obsessed with a fantasy or anything even close to it.
I am the most cynical, realistic person that I know. I would someday like to find love. Who doesn't?
My love life has been unlucky, but not because I had an unrealistic view of it. It was because the men I chose were fucked up. Period.
Tell me...what IS the reality of my life supposed to be, since you are doling out the unsolicited advice?.
There is NOTHING wrong with me...and you comment suggests that there is, and it pisses me off.
I am a great person, with a big heart. I deserve to be happy. I KNOW that happiness isn't always marriage or a relationship-but I still believe in love at it's core, and sharing a life with someone is a good thing. You, on the other hand are a married guy- whom indulges in a fantasy life of "chycks" and obsesses over belly button tattoos. Now you tell me who is "wrapped up"???
I may not be lucky in love...and have not found the man for me...but I KNOW what love is. My feelings for Doug were real.
Please, for the love of all that is holy- stop judging me, would you?
This blog is here to help me work through my issues with men-not to be criticized for the choices I make.
All of the posts I have read on your page, and I have never said a word. I don't agree with you politically and I do not think that it is ok to actively hit on women in bars when you are married. (whether your wife knows or not) It's not something I view as OK. But, I have never said a word to you about it. Mostly because it is none of my business, and also because I don't judge you. There are variables to your life in which I may not fully comprehend, and I don't pretend to know all about you simply by reading your blog. Therefore...I do not comment. Even I the things I find repulsive.
I don't judge you-period.
Please don't pretend that you know me enough to say things like your comment-because, you do not.
I hope we can keep on being friends and fellow bloggers...I am letting it go as of now.
I am letting this roll off my back now that I have said my peace.
Comments are fine...and I DO want you to remain honest, otheriwse it's not even worth commenting.
BUT...this last comment...you went too far.
Just reign it in a bit, could you?
Thanks.
Respectfully (always)
Jaded