I am considering being myself today. Although I haven't decided who that is yet. Ok, ok...I know who I am-but, somedays I don't want to be me. I want to be super sexual vixen, I want to be perfect mommy housewife, (yes yes...this requires marriage, I know...but I role play so well some days I can hardly tell the difference) I want to be thin, I want to be smarter-I want to be funnier. I want to be back with my ex.
I just don't want to be me.
Today, I think I will be me. A little insecure, a litte overweight, semi-attractive, smart-assy, high-strung single mother of one whiny but sweet 9 year old boy, who says things on a daily basis that cracks me up.
That's who I am today. Me.
I started out the day with a large cup of pumpkin spice cappuccinno out of the machine at the nearest Freedom gas station. Ok...not good coffee by any stretch of the imagination-but has enough caffiene to kill a small shetland. And, at 9am...pony-killing caffiene is exactly what the doctor ordered on 3 hours of sleep.
I haven't been sleeping because I am unemployed. Laid off...shitcanned...downsized...whatever buzz word you wanna give it these days.
Let's just put it this way...the low hanging fruit in the industry I happened to land in was rotting on the vine, and I happened to be standing there like a total fucking idiot waiting for it to fall into my hand. Yeah, like I said before...when I am not being myself...I always wish for a smarter version of me.
I take a swig of the lukewarm and way too sweet concoction in my hand and flip open my laptop. I check my email, my Avon order status, my blog comments, and last but not least, my dating websites. I start to log out of the first of the three men markets when an instant message pops up on the screen-
Tomfoolery40: Hey ya.
I stare at it.
Tomfoolery40: I know you are there...you log on at 9:12 every morning without fail.
I raise an eyebrow. I'm really too tired to respond...I have housework, laundry, a new blog entry to write, and some sort of porn-surfing to do in my pajamas before I actually bathe. Who is this guy? And-why in THE hell is he messaging me at 9 fucking am?
And wait...
Did he say that I log on at 9:12 every morning?
How would he know that?
I have never gotten a message from this guy...
Ok...someone is messing with my head.
Tomfoolery40: Hellooooooooo....Come on...say something for the love of God.
I suck in my breath and carefully choose my words.
Jadedgirl71: This isn't a very funny joke.
No response for several minutes.
I stare at the screen.
Yeah...that's what I thought...I caught whoever thought it would be funny and they have nothing to say now. Big shocker. I hate my friends sometimes.
Tomfoolery40: Wow...she's alive! Beautiful, and alive...however did I get so lucky???
Fuck.
Jadedgirl71: Who is this? Quit messing with me...when I find out...the wrath will be horrendous. Paybacks, they say...are a BITCH.
Tomfoolery40: You have a potty mouth in the morning...LOL I like it. Not a morning person, I see?
Ok...this is getting ridiculous.
I step away from my laptop and run to the kitchen to dump the swill I was sold at the gas station and put the kettle on for some nice Earl Grey.
I walk back into the livingroom slowly and see the glow of the laptops monitor from around the corner. I hide...I, even more slowly, peek my head around the wall-one eye open and see another message pop up.
Tomfoolery40: Sigh...ok...I give up. Perhaps Jaded is too jaded to have a nice morning conversation with a charming, intelligent, all around good guy. Good luck to you.
I sit there for a minute.
Jadedgirl71: Is this for real? You aren't one of my friends jerking my chain?
Tomfoolery40: I assure you that I am NOT jerking your chain...but I will if you...
Oops...too flirty too soon? My bad.
Jadedgirl71: My bad??? How old are you?
Tomfoolery40: In body...40 (hence the screenname) In mind...probably closer to 21. I think the immaturity gives me charm. Don't you?
Jadedgirl71: Not sure yet.
Tomfoolery40: Just wait...it gets better. ;o)
Tomfoolery40 has signed off.
The kettle whistles and makes me jump out of my skin.
What in the name of all that is holy was THAT all about?
He messages me...gets my attention and leaves-immaturity level is definitely at a 21.
Typical
I just don't want to be me.
Today, I think I will be me. A little insecure, a litte overweight, semi-attractive, smart-assy, high-strung single mother of one whiny but sweet 9 year old boy, who says things on a daily basis that cracks me up.
That's who I am today. Me.
I started out the day with a large cup of pumpkin spice cappuccinno out of the machine at the nearest Freedom gas station. Ok...not good coffee by any stretch of the imagination-but has enough caffiene to kill a small shetland. And, at 9am...pony-killing caffiene is exactly what the doctor ordered on 3 hours of sleep.
I haven't been sleeping because I am unemployed. Laid off...shitcanned...downsized...whatever buzz word you wanna give it these days.
Let's just put it this way...the low hanging fruit in the industry I happened to land in was rotting on the vine, and I happened to be standing there like a total fucking idiot waiting for it to fall into my hand. Yeah, like I said before...when I am not being myself...I always wish for a smarter version of me.
I take a swig of the lukewarm and way too sweet concoction in my hand and flip open my laptop. I check my email, my Avon order status, my blog comments, and last but not least, my dating websites. I start to log out of the first of the three men markets when an instant message pops up on the screen-
Tomfoolery40: Hey ya.
I stare at it.
Tomfoolery40: I know you are there...you log on at 9:12 every morning without fail.
I raise an eyebrow. I'm really too tired to respond...I have housework, laundry, a new blog entry to write, and some sort of porn-surfing to do in my pajamas before I actually bathe. Who is this guy? And-why in THE hell is he messaging me at 9 fucking am?
And wait...
Did he say that I log on at 9:12 every morning?
How would he know that?
I have never gotten a message from this guy...
Ok...someone is messing with my head.
Tomfoolery40: Hellooooooooo....Come on...say something for the love of God.
I suck in my breath and carefully choose my words.
Jadedgirl71: This isn't a very funny joke.
No response for several minutes.
I stare at the screen.
Yeah...that's what I thought...I caught whoever thought it would be funny and they have nothing to say now. Big shocker. I hate my friends sometimes.
Tomfoolery40: Wow...she's alive! Beautiful, and alive...however did I get so lucky???
Fuck.
Jadedgirl71: Who is this? Quit messing with me...when I find out...the wrath will be horrendous. Paybacks, they say...are a BITCH.
Tomfoolery40: You have a potty mouth in the morning...LOL I like it. Not a morning person, I see?
Ok...this is getting ridiculous.
I step away from my laptop and run to the kitchen to dump the swill I was sold at the gas station and put the kettle on for some nice Earl Grey.
I walk back into the livingroom slowly and see the glow of the laptops monitor from around the corner. I hide...I, even more slowly, peek my head around the wall-one eye open and see another message pop up.
Tomfoolery40: Sigh...ok...I give up. Perhaps Jaded is too jaded to have a nice morning conversation with a charming, intelligent, all around good guy. Good luck to you.
I sit there for a minute.
Jadedgirl71: Is this for real? You aren't one of my friends jerking my chain?
Tomfoolery40: I assure you that I am NOT jerking your chain...but I will if you...
Oops...too flirty too soon? My bad.
Jadedgirl71: My bad??? How old are you?
Tomfoolery40: In body...40 (hence the screenname) In mind...probably closer to 21. I think the immaturity gives me charm. Don't you?
Jadedgirl71: Not sure yet.
Tomfoolery40: Just wait...it gets better. ;o)
Tomfoolery40 has signed off.
The kettle whistles and makes me jump out of my skin.
What in the name of all that is holy was THAT all about?
He messages me...gets my attention and leaves-immaturity level is definitely at a 21.
Typical
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