Game playing. We all supposedly do it...even animals do it. Like the far-eastern mating rituals of the Ugandan Pen Fowl, if there is a game to be played in courting and relationships...we all do it. Ok...I made that up, I don't even know if there is such a thing as the Ugandan Pen Fowl, but the example got your attention, didn't it?
My names is Jadedgirl and I am a hater. (Hello, Jadedgirl...)
I am a hater of games, head games, realtionship games, sex games, games of chance...all of the above. With the exception of the occasional match of Scrabble, or Poker...I'm at a complete loss over games.
I recently ran across a copy of "The Rules" By: Erin Fein and Sherri Schneider at a friends house and took a look at it. What I read was amazing...and absolutely ridiculous all at once. Unbelieveable what these women are selling. It truly is the reason why men have a deep fear and loathing of women underneath it all. The bad reputation of women being sneaky, manipulative, harlots has come to life in this book. And you wanna know the real irony? This book was on the best sellers list for an ungodly ammount of time when it was released in 1995!
Yeah...I know I'm a little behind in my reading obviously...so sue me.
Anyhoo, I wanted to share with you some of these "time tested" rules, and then comment on them at will...or maim them, we'll see.
Some of "The Rules":
02: Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)
03: Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
04: Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
05: Don't Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
06: Always End Phone Calls and dates First
07: Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
08: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
09: How to Act on Dates 1,2, & 3 End the date first especially if you like him.
10: How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time
12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day 15: Don't Rush into Sex & Other Rules for Intimacy
16: Don't Tell Him What to Do
17: Let Him Take the Lead
18: Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him
20: Be Honest but Mysterious
27: Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends & Parents Think It's Nuts
31: Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist.
Ok...deep breath. In and out...In and out.
Now it's my turn to comment.
Rule#2 "Don't talk to a man first (and don't ask him to dance.)"
Are you fucking kidding me, here?
So...here's the alternative, stand in a corner, shoulders slumped, looking quite like the pathetic wallflower and wish on tinkerbells' magic fairy dust for your prince to pull up in his grand carriage and whisk you away to never never land? Come on now, really????
I say...approach said guy, smile, introduce yourself and then walk away and see what develops...if he doesn't come back and talk to you...move on. If he does...all the better.
Confidence is generally a HUGE turn-on for men, they like to be pursued...they especially like to be pursued by a confident, intelligent woman. Standing in a corner waiting for someone-anyone to come over and approach you shows weakness and even desperation, which also marks "easy prey" in a guys mind. Trust me on this...confidence is key!
Rule #4 "Don't meet him half way or go 'dutch' on a date."
Seriously???
Ok...I can see how you generally want the man to pay. Chivalry is nice, yes. But independent women are also a HUGE turn on for men as well. They love the idea that you can take care of yourself if need be. They like the idea that you are able to provide for yourself if need be. Sure...all men crave a little bit of helplessness in a woman. They like to be the hero at times. But financially...I have never known a man to actually want a golddigger, or a triflin-chickenhead in their lives. Unless said guy is 99 years old- sucking on oxygen- and just wants to see some boobies again before he buys the farm.
If you want to pay half, or feel uncomfortable letting him pay, at least offer it anyway. 9 times out of 10 in my experience, he won't let you, but he will remember the gessture, and know that you have some independence and strength in your brain. He will find this attractive, no matter how you slice it...trust me.
Rule #5 "Don't call him and rarely return his phone calls."
OMG.
Ok...I HATE this rule right off the bat. Women of all age, shape, size, credo...etc- have complained at one time or another about the guy not calling...or the guy waiting too long to call. That woman sat by her phone and waitied for him to call. She liked the guy, they had a very nice date, she thought he liked her...why hasn't he called? So he calls...better late than never, right? They set up a second date. They make out...they have a great time. She is supposed to call him this time. She decided to play the same game and waits a week to call...
Guess what? He has already moved on by this time and is now seeing the Jessica Rabbit look- alike down the hall from him because SHE called him when she said she would. And now the first woman woman is eating Ben and Jerry's and watching re-runs of "Rock of Love" on VH1 on Saturday night instead of having mad passionate sex with bachelor #1.
Men aren't wired the same as we are. They are a bit forgetful, and pre-occupied most of the time. They are endlessly self- centered. They will forget to call, or put it off until their schedule clears. They don't think about the woman sitting by the phone waiting for the damn thing to just ring-damnit! They will non-chalantly call when they get around to it. YES...even IF they like you. Bachelors generally come first in their own lives at all times. They are not like women. That's why we are different...and that's why there are two sexes. If men were more like women, women would have nothing to bitch about, and life would just be boring.
So...don't wait for him to call. Call him instead. Tell him you had a great time and you would like to do it again sometime. Go for it. Show some assertivness. Remind Mr. Forgetful why he asked you out in the first place and give him a heads up. If he doesn't call back, well then he just sucks, and he doesn't know what he was missing. Or he just wasn't that into you (THIS book for another post...) and move on. There are plently of other self-centered guys out there to meet afterall. Just don't waste time waiting...and DO NOT play the I- won't- call- him- back- head- game. Be genuine, be honest, be yourself at all times, and he will respect you for doing so.
Rule #15 "Don't rush into sex."
Ok...I'm almost ok with this rule, except that it isn't true in every circumstance. You simply cannot apply a generalization here. This depends on what you are comfortable with. If you had mad chemistry with the guy on the first or second date and it just feels right...go on girl.
Do it.
If you aren't sure yet...wait. If he doesn't stick...he's probably a douchebag anyway, and he was just lookin to get the hook up in exchange for the chateau briand he and you shared at dinner. If he is OK with waiting...well that's great too. On the other side of the coin...if you did go with it and had headboard-banging fun that night and he doesn't call afterwards...or return your call, forget it...he was after the payback again. BUT...YOU also got something out of it. A release from your stress, a mind bending orgasm (hopefully) or a shared bed that has been lonely for awhile. Don't get hung up on it. You did it...you got a free meal, and the bonus round. Move on and find someone else. If you did it and he calls or sets up another date when you call him...YAY, right?! All the better. Now you know you have sexual chemistry and there are no surprises later that he has a curved willy, or kisses like a sheepdog. And the sexual tension will be partially dissolved and you can get to know each other better in a more relaxed way. It's really a win-win, if you look at the positive side. If you choose to wait...you may get a big surprise...good or bad. It's all a gamble whether you do it or not. Playing another head game of hard to get is a waste of time, and paints you as a tease or a manipulator. Just go with the flow...be true to yourself. It will work in your favor, honestly.
So...while I would like to nit-pick every rule I posted, I won't. I think you get the picture here. Playing games that don't involve dice or a spinner is not the way to go. I want to be clear here and state that this post was not designed give you advice on how to "snag a man" or give you a different set of rules to follow. Obviously...my love life, and being still single at 36 doesn't make me a professional. That statement alone is just as ironic as Brittney Spears' mother writing a parenting book. I just want all ladies out there to know that games are what make us look like every stereotypical woman that a man can dream up. The whore, the needy clingon, the wishy washy, the ball breaking bitch, the manipulator, the schemer...etc...
We just need to learn to be true to ourselves as I stated before. I learned a long time ago that games will backfire, and you will not find the happiness you truly seek. Sure you many have "the ring" on your finger. But at what cost? Are you happy that you "trapped" this guy into a lifetime commitment, and he doesn't even know the real you? What will happen when he does find out? You think because he married you that you are "safe"? HA. That is laughable...truly. People don't look at marriage like they used to. Marriage is just another throw away promise these days.
-You don't like the wife you got? Divorce her and get a new one...
-You don't like that your husband scratches his ass while he watches football?...cheat on him...
-You don't like that your wife has a stray nose hair that whistles when she sleeps...Get a 19 year old internet plaything.
The commitment isn't there...like it used to be. A throw-away gessture.
So, just because you played the game and think that you won by having the $30, 000 wedding and the honeymoon in Fiji, and the house, and the cars, and the dog and the 2.5 children doesn't mean that he won't find out later who you really are and decide that he really just doesn't like you much. And then you are really screwed.
Backfire.
There are NO guarantees in life, and you should all know this.
So, game playing is never the right decision. Be true, be you....at all times and then you can look back on your life later with few to no regrets.
Last thought-
-Samantha: "Don't beat yourself up. Aidan hasn't said "I love you" yet. Until he does, you're a free agent..."
-Carrie: "What is that, The Rules according to Samantha?"
-Samantha: "See? I'm more old fashioned than you think..."
-Carrie Bradshaw and Samantha Jones (SATC)
If I can't win...I don't wanna play!
-Jaded
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