The Ex-Philes Part 10 Excerpt 3...The Things Left Unsaid.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity". -Gilda Radner, 1946-1989

Today is the day...

Apropos that is is Valentines Day, I suppose, to talk about love.

This, my dear friends and readers is the last excerpt of Doug's story, and the Ex-Philes. Now that I have purged myself of my past demons, I suppose it is time to move on and let go of baggage. Easier said than done-yes...but hopefully my attempt at cleansing will not be futile this time.

So...on we go.

After the impending break-up with Jay, there we were...again-just Doug and I.

And although we both knew that we were longing for one anothers company, there was still a strange gap there. Things left unsaid, if you will.

Halloween came and went and he and I partied together, and had such a good time.

Then came a new phase...

I had a company holiday party in early November. I asked him to be my date, and he said: "Sure...free beer, free food...I'm in."

We dressed up and went...as a couple...he treated me as a girlfriend, and nothing less.

We were having such a good time, when as we were slow dancing they announced that they were drawing door prizes. I stopped suddenly, as I had not seen a place to sign up when walking in the door. I said: "Shit...I didn't sign up...that sucks....and we could have been leaving with some fabulous prize...man, bummer!"

He looked at me thoughtfully and said:

"The only fabulous prize I want is already going home with me tonight and I couldn't ask for a better one."

I blushed...

(shaddup)

We drove home and had a talk. Quite frankly, his signals were completely mixed and I was so unsure of what he had in his head that I was getting dizzy from it all...without even having had one drink.

So we talked.

We decided that getting back together was a bad idea at the time. and we both needed head clearing before we jumped back into anything. I admitted that I knew that he didn't see himself with me, and that he had made it perfectly clear that he was never going to be "in love" with me, but I still wanted to be in his life and...

He stopped me...

Well, he interjected...rather quickly, I might add-

"I never said that...I never said that we couldn't ever be together or that I would never love you"

I stopped for a second...considered the statement...and just kept on talking.

I don't know why I didn't want more of an explanation, or why I didn't ask him questions from there. Something just halted me.

I was thinking in my head about it...at a break-neck pace...but I just couldn't confront it...because part of me couldn't believe it.

I spent Thanksgiving with him and his family, and it was nice.

I wasn't invited to Christmas, but we spent the weekend before together and he cooked for me.

There has been lots of sex, lots of enjoyment of each others company, but little communication.

I feel like it has all been said, and beating a dead horse helps absolutely nothing at this point.

Remember when I briefly mentioned in the first post about having a deadline?

Yeah, well...this is where I elaborate.

My best friend, S...had leveled me with an ultimatum:

"If you don't talk to him by the Mardi-Gras party in February...I am. I will call him and tell him to shit or get off the damn pot. This has gone on for two years, Jaded...and I cannot bear to see you unhappy anymore over it. He either wants you-or he doesn't. This isn't fair to you, and you know it. I know you love him...but something has to give. And...you never know...it's been long enough now, maybe his thought pattern has changed by now. Either way, you have to do something..."

Uh Oh.

The Mardi-Gras party in next week...Saturday to be exact, formal attire, swanky-style cajun, free drinks...fun had by all. Afterplay: Hotel suite, fireplace, king-sized bed, and jacuzzi included.

Romantic, indulgent, hedonistic-fun.

And then...a talk.

But, about what?

I mean...I am NOT an ultimatum girl. I am not a head game player. And I am...a complete and total coward. I admit it.

Any ideas, anyone? Really...I'd love the imput.

So, today being Valentines Day and all...yes...I am spending it with Doug. We are staying in and having pizza and beer and...well the fun part comes later, as you can imagine.

It was his idea, though...weird as that may seem.

I was all set to mourn today in my jammies witt my fall back guys: Ben and Jerry.

So...

Now what?

Back to things left unsaid...or on to no Doug at all?

I'll update you after the party next week, where I will either be:

A.) crying, or

B.) celebrating.

We'll see.

Last thought-

Mr. Big: You make me very happy.

Carrie Bradshaw: Yeah, yeah... put it in writing...

Happy Valentines Day-

Jaded