He Who Laughs-Lasts!

Thank you to all that submitted love songs for the list...I have them noted and will revise my list eventually. But, until then as promised, This next post is a list of the funniest songs of all time...25 of them to be exact. I will post each one following an exerpt of the lyrics to give ya'll a good chuckle! Enjoy...

As before...if you can think of any funnier ones, please send me a note and let me know.

With no further ado, (and laughing permitted...)

The 25 funniest songs of all time. (In no particular order)

1. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer- Elmo and Patsy

Freakin hilarious, no matter how dated and well-known.

"She'd been drinkin' too much eggnog,

And we'd begged her not to go.

But she'd left her medication,

So she stumbled out the door into the snow.

When they found her Christmas mornin',

At the scene of the attack,

There were hoof prints on her forehead,

And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back..."

2. The Thanksgiving Song-Adam Sandler

Oh my gawd...Turkey immortalized by the SNL alum who brought us treats like "Opera Man" and many many others...a few of which you will find on this list...

"Turkey for me Turkey for you

Let's eat the turkey In my big brown shoe

Love to eat the turkey At the table

I once saw a movie With Betty Grable

Eat that turkey All night long

Fifty million Elvis fans Can't be wrong

Turkey lurkey doo and Turkey lurkey dap

I eat the turkey Then I take a nap..."

3. Yeah Toast!- Haywood Banks

My son and I listen to this one together, it never fails to crack me up...

"When the first caveman drove in from the dregs

didn't know what would go with the bacon and the eggs

must have been a genius got it in his head

plug the toaster in the wall, buy a bag of bread, make toast.

yeah TOAST!

yeah TOAST!

Oui monsieur bonjour coquette

uh huh croissante vous a ver

maurice chevalier effeil tower

oh oui marie bagette bon soir,

FRENCH TOAST!

FRENCH TOAST!"

4. Dear Penis- Rodney Carrington

A letter to his own penis as to why he doesn't seem to be able to "perform" any longer. Comedy genius...

"Dear Penis,

I don't think I like you anymore,

You used to watch me shave,

Now all u do is stare at the floor.

Oh dear Penis,

I don't think I like you anymore.

It used to be you and me,

A paper towel, and a dirty magazine,

That's all we needed to get by.

Now it seems things have changed,

I think that your the one to blame.

Dear Penis,

I don't think I like you anymore..."

5. Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw- Jimmy Buffet

Ok...admittedly not a fan of the son of a sailor...Jimmy Buffet isn't on my list of faves obviosuly, but this song IS pretty entertaining, and was very controversial when it was released in the late 70's. Good stuff.

"I really do appreciate the fact you're sittin' here

Your voice sounds so wonderful But your face don't look too clear

So, Barmaid, bring a pitcher, another round of brew

Honey, why don't we get drunk and screw?

Why don't we get drunk and screw?

I just bought a waterbed filled up for me and you.

They say you are a snuff queen, Honey, I don't think that's true.

So, why don't we get drunk and screw?"

6. Goodbye Earl- The Dixie Chicks

While the subject matter of the song isn't all that funny really, dealing with an abusive husband. But the way the heroine deals with it it pretty darn comical...and the video is awesome! (You can find it at Youtube if you have never seen it.)

"That Earl had to die

Goodbye Earl

Those black-eyed peas They tasted all right to me Earl

You're feelin' weak

Why don't you lay down and sleep Earl

Ain't it dark Wrapped up in that tarp Earl?..."

7. Did I Shave My Legs For This?- Deana Carter

This is what happens when a man doesn't notice his woman...she gets pissed. LOL.

"Flowers and wine is what I thought I would find

When I came home from working tonight

Well now here I stand, over this frying pan

And you want a cold one again

I bought these new heels, did my nails...

Had my hair done just right

I thought this new dress was a sure bet

For a little romance tonight

Well it's perfectly clear, between the TV and beer

I won't get so much as a kiss

As I head for the door I turn around to be sure

Did I shave my legs for this???"

8. Piece of Shit Car- Adam Sandler

I told you he would show up again. All of us can probably relate to this song from one time in our lives to another. What you were forced to drive, and how frustrating it was...this song epitomizes how you probably felt...

"It's got no CD player, it only got the 8-track

Whoever designed my car can lick my sweaty nut sack

And I got no fuckin' brakes

I'm always way out of control

Eleven times a day I hear: "Hey, watch it asshole"

(You fuckin' piece of shit)

(Piece of shit car)

I got piece of shit car

(He got a piece of shit car)

Diesel gas sucks my ass

(That fuckin' pile of shit)

That pile of metal shit

(Never gets him very far)"

9. Turning Japanese- The Vapors

In the top 40 back in the mid-80's no one knew what the song was about. Most people just thought it was catchy and you could dance to it...I remember my own moms face when my brother broke the news to her on that sad 80's day...she promptly grabbed the 45 off my record player and threw it in the garbage, and I still didn't understand why!!!!!

When I turned 13...I finally understood...and let out a little giggle in spite of my mom. I still remember the look of horror on her face...classic.

"I've got your picture Of me and you

You wrote "I love you"

I love you too

I sit there staring and there's nothing else to do

Oh it's in color

Your hair is brown

Your eyes are hazel And soft as clouds

I often kiss you when there's no one else around

I've got your picture,

I've got your picture I'd like a million of them all 'round my cell
I asked the doctor to take your picture

So I can look at you from inside as well

You've got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning 'round

I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so

Turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so I

'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so

Turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so..."

10. She Bop- Cyndi Lauper

Speaking of bopping...this is the female equivalent of that passtime. This was another mid-80's release I wasn't sure about, and heard of later and was like: "Oh...she bop...I get it now!" What's really comical is how she adds the use of toys to this song...cutting edge Cyndi, cutting edge! You GO Girl! LOL

"We-hell-i see them every night in tight blue jeans--

In the pages of a blue boy magazine

Hey I've been thinking of a new sensation

I'm picking up--a good vibration--

Oop--she bop--

Do I wanna go out with a lions roar?

Huh, yea, I wanna go south n get me some more

Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine

They say I better stop--or I'll go blind

Oop--she bop--she bop

She bop--he bop--a--we bop

I bop--you bop--a--they bop

Be bop--be bop--a--lu--she bop,

I hope he will understand

She bop--he bop--a--we bop

I bop--you bop--a--they bop

Be bop--be bop--a--lu--she bop,

Oo--oo--she--do--she bop--she bop..."

11. Big Balls- ACDC

Bon Scott's ode to his balls...or his parties...take your pick.

"Some balls are held for charity

And some for fancy dress

But when they're held for pleasure

They're the balls that I like best

My balls are always bouncing

To the left and to the right

It's my belief that my big balls Should be held every night

We've got big balls

We've got big balls

We've got big balls

Dirty big balls

He's got big balls

She's got big balls

(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)"

12. Pretty Fly For A White Guy- The Offspring

The Offspring poking fun at those obnoxious suburban gangsters. Anyone who has seen that Jamie Kennedy Movie- "Malibu's Most Wanted" should definitely equate the two together. Every time I hear this song it reminds me of the lost days of my youth spent at Stage 2. SO Funny.

"He needs some cool tunes, not just any will suffice

But they didn't have Ice Cube so he bought Vanilla Ice

Now cruising in his Pinto, he sees homies as he pass

But if he looks twice, they're gonna kick his lily ass!

So don't debate, a player straight

You know he really doesn't get it anyway

He's gonna play the field, and keep it real

For you no way, for you no way

So if you don't rate, just overcompensate

At least you'll know you can always go on Ricki Lake

The world loves wannabes

Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh

Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh

Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh

And all the girlies say I'm Pretty Fly For A White Guy..."

13. Please Stand Up (I'm Slim Shady)- Eminem

He digs and digs, he sets the stuff right, but mostly he just cracks me up. Eminem might not be the nicest cat in the world, but at least he pokes fun at the people who seemingly deserve it.

"Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records; well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!You think I give a damn about a Grammy?

Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"

Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?

So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?

Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst and hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first..."

14. Dick In A Box- Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake (SNL)

Ok...I am still a fan of Saturday Night Live even though it isn't nearly as funny as it used to be in its heyday. But every once in awhile they come up with a zinger or two. This one in particular was a total hoot. I still watch the video on Youtube and crack up. Remember the cheezy R&B lyrics of the 80's by bands like Color Me Badd, and Bell, Biv Devoe? Well if you haven't ever heard this song before it is a tribute (spoof) to those kinds of songs...HILARIOUS!

"See I'm wise enough to know when a gift needs givin' (girl)

And I got just the one, somethin' to show ya that you are second to none

To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress

It's easy to do just follow these steps

1: Cut a hole in a box

2: Put your junk in that box

3: Make her open the box

And that's the way you do it

It's my dick in a box...my dick in a box girl

It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box girl..."

15. White and Nerdy- Weird Al Yankovic

The first time I heard this song I shot soda out of my nose. It was the spit take of all time. Weird Al has never failed to make me at the very least chuckle with mirth. This song was a spoof of "Ridin Dirty"-A huge hit last year by the rap artist Chamillionaire. Another wannabe song...but spoofed to the max. Weird Al...hats off to you!

"They see me mowin'

My front lawn

I know they're all thinking (1 a bit too long)

I'm so white and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy

Can't you see I'm white and nerdy?

Look at me, I'm white and nerdy

I wanna roll with The gangstas

But so far they all think I'm too white and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy

I'm just too white and nerdy.

Really really white and nerdy.

First in my class here at MIT Got skills, I'm a champion at D&DMC Escher - that's my favorite MC Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea

My rims never spin, to the contrary You'll find that they're quite stationary

All of my action figures are cherry

Steven Hawking's in my library

My MySpace page is all totally pimped out

Got people beggin' for my top eight spaces Yo (What about "hello"?),

I know pi to a thousand places

Ain't got no grillz but I still wear braces..."

16. Because I Got High- Afroman

I have no witty words here...this song is just freakin funny...everytime I hear it. You can find it on Youtube if you have never heard it, and I highly suggest it if you haven't. If you are having a bad one, this will give you a good laugh to finish the day.

"I was gonna clean my room until I got high

I was gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high

My room is still messed up and I know why (Why man?)-

because I got high

because I got high

because I got high...

I was gonna go to class before I got high

I coulda cheated and I coulda passed but I got high

I am taking it next semester and I know why (Why man?)-

because I got high (repeat 3X)

I was gonna go to work but then I got high

I just got a new promotion but I got high

Now I'm selling dope and I know why (Why man?)-

because I got high (repeat 3X)

I was gonna go to court before I got high

I was gonna pay my child support but then I got high

They took my whole paycheck and I know why (Why man?)-

because I got high (repeat 3X)"

17. Peaches- Presidents of The United States of America

Catchy, campy, and cute...the three C's of comedy songs. PUSA was a weird group to begin with, but this song always made me chuckle, and most importantly made me bounce up and down a little. Good stuff...

"Peaches come from a can,

They were put there by a man

In a factory downtown

If I had my little way,

Id eat peaches every day

Sun-soakin bulges in the shade

Take a little naps where the roots all twist

Squished a rotten peach in my fist

And dreamed about you, woman,

I poked my finger down inside

Make a little room for it to hide

Natures candy in my hand or can or a pie..."

18. Shoes-Liam Sullivan (Kelly...alter ego)

Many of you probably don't know who Liam Sullivan is. Truth be told, I didn't either until last year when I friend emailed this song to me. I'll also admit that it's a bit weird...but still funny nonetheless. Liam Sullivan gained notoriety from his Youtube debut and has a cult following now due to his tripped out vids. Mostly comical for women, this song pokes fun at our love/lust/fetish for shoes. I love this song...hope you do as well. The lyrics here won't do it justice, you really need to check out the video on Youtube to get the full understanding of why it's funny, so check it out...BETCH! (You'll understand that when you watch...) LOL

"I think you have too many shoes.

Shut up!

I think you have too many shoes.

Shut up!

I think you have too many shoes.

Shut up!

I think you have too many shoes.

Shut up!

Stupid boy.

Stupid boy.

Let's get some shoes.

Let's party.

These shoes are three hundred dollars.

These shoes are three hundred dollars.

These shoes are three hundred fucking dollars.

Let's get 'em!"

19. She's Talking Again- Henry Phillips

Bob and Tom veteran, comedian and songwriter. (He's eye candy too, ladies) This song pokes fun at the womanly penchant for babbling like a forrest brook. I do it, a lot of other women do it...and Henry Phillips makes fun of it. I have to say that I could not find the lyrics for this song anywhere, and the Youtube video is down for some reason, BUT he's all over the place with other songs on there, so take a look...if anything you'll get to hear a really talented guitar player, and stare at him for awhile. I said he was eye candy...I meant it.

20. It's a Great Day (For Me To Whoop Somebody's Ass)-Tim Wilson

Another Bob and Tom alum. This song is really funny and makes me snort. LOL And another song I couldn't find lyrics for...bummer. BUT the video is on Youtube...I highly reccommend it.

21. Gump- Weird Al Yankovic

Yes...another Weird Al tune... Trust me, it's funny. I mean who hasn't made fun of Forrest Gump to the tune of the PUSA song "Lump" before? Hilarious...

"Gump was a big celebrity

He told JFK that he really had to pee

He never feels too dumb because

His mom always told him stupid is as stupid does

He's Gump,

He's Gump

He's kinda square

He's Gump,

He's Gump,

He's Gump

What's with that hair

Run... run... run, run, now Forrest Run... run... run like the wind now

Run... run... run, run, now Forrest Run... stop!

His buddy Bubba was a shrimp-lovin' man

His friend with no legs he called Lieutenant Dan

His girlfriend Jenny was kind of a sl*t

He went to the White House, showed LBJ his butt

He's Gump,

He's Gump

He's not too bright

He's Gump,

He's Gump,

He's Gump

But he's alright..."

22. Mama's Got Her Boobs Out- Rodney Carrington

Ah...Rodney...your redneck humor never fails to completely amuse me...

"I remember way back when I was just a boy

going places with my mom and dad

It used to scare me to death, how mama used to act after six or seven beers she’d have.

We were sittin’ at a table, when mama got disabled with all the liquor runnin’ to her head.

Soon I got to choking’, cause daddy wasn’t joking’, when he grabbed me by the arm and said.

Don’t look now, mamas got her boobs out showing everybody in town.

My face was turning red, I was wishin’ I was dead, there were people standing all around.

When mama gets to drinkin’, there ain’t much thinkin’, there’s nothing anybody can do.

You just hope and pray, there never comes a day when mamas out drinkin’ with you."

23. Shapoopie- Peter Griffin (The Family Guy)

Go watch the video...I command you!!!!!

24. The 12 Days of Christmas- The Mackenzie Brothers.

An oldie but a goodie...take of eh, hoser!

"On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

A beer.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

Two turtle-necks And a beer.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

Three French toast

wo turtle-necks And a beer.

There should be more there, eh? Where? Oh, go!

Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

Four pounds of back-bacon

Three French toast

Two turtle-necks

And a beer.

In a tree..."

25. At A Medium Pace- Adam Sandler

Yes, yes...here he is again. Last but never least. Those of you easily offended, this song is a bit...ok it's A LOT risque. OK OK...it's downright dirty. But funny all the same. Actually, I can't bring myself to post those lyrics here...they are just way too much for this blog. BUT...check the song out at Youtube or myspace if you are in the mood to wet yourself with laughter.

So, that concludes my list of the 25 funniest songs of all time. Let me know if you have an addition to this. Otherwise, check out the videos and have a laugh on me.

Have a fabulous week all.

Last thought-

"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter."
-E E Cummings

Snorting-

Jaded