::Sigh::
Something has been troubling that I thought I would share with all of you.
My son.
My son is a typical 7 year old kid, funny, smart, precocious, sweet, energetic and:
IN TROUBLE.
ALL THE TIME.
I love him so much, I wouldn't know what to do without him, actually.
BUT...
Yeah...the BIG but again.
I am worried about a few things lately concerning him.
First off...his weight.
Yes, yes...I know he is growing, he is a 7 year old boy, and 7 year old boys don't need to be on a diet.
In Bubba's case...that may not be true.
The pediatrician even stated that he is a little overweight for his growth pattern.
Let me explain: My kid LOVES to eat. he is much like his mother in that way at least. And he will eat almost anything you put on his plate, barring ranch dressing, cream cheese based ANYTHING and zuchinni.
He will eat Broccoli, asapragus, spinach, mushrooms, olives...and all that weird stuff that most kids wouldn't dream of touching to their pouty little lips.
So that has never been an issue for me.
BUT...
He will sit and eat more than me. He will sometimes even eat 3rd helpings. He LOVES bread and any carbohydrate he can get his hands on. He LOVES sweets of any kind, and will ask for desert every single night. And while he loves fruit, most of the time he wants junk for desert instead.
ie: Ice cream, candy, brownie, or cookie or chocolate milk.
I cook a well balanced meal around here. Even when I am not watching what I eat, I will have a meat, starch, and veggie and skim milk to drink at dinner every night. (Unless we cheat and have fast food, which is few and far between these days because of my financial constraints.)
I make sure he eats more meat/veggies than starch, and that he drinks all of his milk at dinner.
Of course if you could see the CRAP that he is served for school lunch, you'd see that THAT could very well be a large cause of his weight as well. Please don't get me started on this topic.
Anyway...I do my best to make sure he has proper nutrition and try my damndest to keep him active most of the time.
Yet...he is still a very chunky boy.
7 years old and he wears 8 husky jeans.
Keep in mind though, that while he is also big, he is tall...again like his madre. He is the tallest kid in his class, and the second tallest in the entire 1st grade.
So...as I am trying desperately to slim down before graduation, I have been feeding him the same as myself. Lean meat and veggies, with very limited fat and carbs (sugar).
I don't know if I should be though.
Is he too young for this?
Am I going to give him the same bad self image I had leading me to an eating disorder, and in turn leading him to that as well???
I know it's a vanity issue here. I know that this may sound a bit shallow to others, but, in my defense...I was always overweight as an adolescent and into my teen years. I never had a date, never had many friends, and was miserable in Junior high/High school.
I know that women can be a lot tougher in the "looks" judgement catergory than men are. And adolescent girls can be downright mean and hateful at times.
I went through hell in that time in my life...and I almost killed myself struggling with anorexia/bulimia because of it.
I am scared that he will go though the same ordeal as I did, or perhaps, even worse.
I know that I am crazy overprotective mom mom most of the time.
But, am I sheltering him for the right reasons here?
Should his looks be THAT important?
I don't know.
I just know that I don't want him to suffer as I did.
So this lifestyle change in eating habits...is it right for him at his age, or am I one of those creeped out freakazoid moms who obsess over their child's weight to the point of distraction?
I mean, if you are wondering...I praise him A LOT. I never had praise or encouragement as a child, and I know how valuable that is, and how needed it is for a child...so I do it on a daily basis. Unless he's being a booger. (LOL)
I never discuss his weight in his presence with other adults, and most importantly I never call him fat, chubby, or overweight. EVER.
I basically just told him that the new food is because he is "helping mom" lose her weight. He has no idea that it's for him as well.
I just don't know if I am doing the right thing.
OK...
2nd Issue:
I was informed a few weeks ago by his teachers that it is very possible that Bubba has to be tested for ADHD and Dyslexia.
His teachers are concerned about his behavior AND his troubles with reading, writing and focus.
I asked his pediatrician about it.
At this time, Bubba was climbing on the table, sliding on the floor of the room, and jumping up and down yelling: "Sticker, sticker, sticker...I want a sticker!"
His pediatrician PROMPTLY handed me a testing evaluation packet, as you can imagine. He also said as he handed it to me that he would also be testing for ODD (Oppositional and Defiant Disorder)
Anyway...I did the survey, as well as his teachers...and Bubba was off the charts on some of the categories, and just higher on most of the others. I'm sure he probably has ADHD.
The solution the packet I was given by the doctor gave was: DRUGS. And not much else.
SO not happy about this limited scope of help for a "spirited" child.
Most of the drugs are amphetamines (contolled substances)
And one new one isn't...I believe it is called Stratera.
But some of the side effects are unbelieveable:
Sleeping trouble
Irritability
Socially withdrawn
Extreme sadness/unusual crying
Tremors
Twitching/ticks/rapid eye blinking
Picking at skin
Sees or hears things that aren't there (hallucinations)
So...amphetamine or not...this "safer" drug for ADHD and ODD could possibly make my kid a schizo, OR a tweeker. Not sure I like those odds.
I just don't know what to do in this situation either.
While I know that treatment of this could help him excel in school and also help his behavior problems...I am just not sure I want to treat it with "crack for babies."
My best friends son has Aspergers Syndrome...which is a middle ground between PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder) and Autism.
He was diagnosed when he was 10 I believe, but was being treated for ADHD from the time he was 5 or so. So, my best friend...is ALL FOR doping my kid up because "It Helped my son SO much."
I have never seen her son look like anything but a zombie.
He doesn't have the emotional spectrum that normal kids do.
And a lot of that is due to the Aspergers, and not the pills...but honestly...I don't think that the pills help that either.
I love him though...he's one of the smartest 15 year olds I know. GREAT kid.
he just seems sad a lot of the time, and emotionless.
I just don't know if I want Bubba to walk around in that drug haze that so many other ADHD kids do. Sure they got a 100 percent on their spelling test...but were they happy about it???
I'm scared.
This is one of the times that I could use a "significant other" in my life. Cause while I ultimately have to make the decision myself, the imput of a hubby could help me stop waffling and just do whatever it is I need to do, ya know?
I'm usually not much of a waffler, but sometimes on the subject of the Bubba...I just have to learn to trust myself and my skills as a parent. I wish I could be more confident in that area. Because most of the time I just feel like I am screwing him up.
Any suggestions parents out there in blogland? I could use it.
Last thought-
" When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child..."
-Sophia Lauren
Thinking-
Jaded
Comments
I could feel your pain and concern as I read your post about this. Although neither one of my children are old enough to have these issues yet, I think about the troubles we may face in the future.
About the weight issue, it sounds like you are doing the right thing - eating right for both of you without telling him it is because he weighs too much or is "fat." And I don't know if he really is fat - I think there are children at this age who tend to be bigger than they ultimately end up as adults - their growth patterns are just different. He may be putting on weight and height now but in 5 years, he will shoot up height wise and plateau on the weight end of things.
As for the ADHD and ODD issues, that seems so much harder and I really feel for you in making that decision. I have been around many children with both of those issues and can honestly tell you that it varies from child to child what helps control their behavior. What I would do is consult with a pediatric psychiatrist before agreeing to any medication. Pediatricians are great, but their expertise is not behaviorally challenged children. In my experience, pediatricians are too willing to use medications because they do not have experience with other options such as behavior modification therapy.
Another person to consult would be a child psychologist (both of my parents are clinical psychologists and my mother has worked primarily with children and teens). Psychologists tend to look for behavioral solutions before medication but will often be quite honest if they believe a child needs medication.
Finally, keep in mind that if you make the decision to give him medication, it is not permanent. If you do not like the effects it has on him and believe he is better off (as a whole) without it, then discontinue the medication or ask to switch medications.
Best of luck - I'm thinking about you!
And PH...I think Bubba's prinicpal came up with a solution today. They are going to line him up with a social worker/counselor at school first, and refer him if needed to a psychologist after that. So...your advice was right on.
I appreciate everyones help.
LOVE and hugs to all!
I don't know you, so I feel odd commenting, however I feel very compelled to. So take what you will from it, and I hope I will not offend you. If I do, I apologize in advance and to assure you I have only responded with the best of intentions.
I am speaking as a mother, as well as an advanced PhD student in Clinical Psychology (child/family concentration)... as long as I get myself in gear again to finish up soon. Not that it makes me an authority, but it does mean that I am aware of that which you speak. I also worked as a behavioral counselor for a child on the spectrum and am currently a parent educator. Again, I am not an authority... just trying to make you (and myself) feel better about my posting since I don't know you.
Regarding weight, eating right is helpful for both of you. You can always just tell him that you are trying to eat healthier. You could also say, Mommy can only make 1 meal for dinner, so while she is working on really eating healthy, this is what we will be eating. As long as you don't talk about your concerns with your own weight or body image in front of him, then he should end up fine. If he hears you say that you feel "fat" or don't like your thighs, that is another story. I write that because I have to consciously remind myself that with my own daughter. Healthier eating may, in fact, help your son's behavior, but it seems you are pretty healthy all the time.
Additionally, with children who have or might have ADHD, etc. there is a diet, which I hear is a little more expensive but pretty much helpful called the Feingold Diet. I know of people who have put their children on it and claim great success in behavioral changes in diagnosed and undiagnosed children. I have not had an first hand experience with it, however so I can only tell you what I have heard from them.
That being said, meds can make a difference. But so can behavioral modification, like ph said. The research is there to back it. It depends on the child, the family and the severity. If you are not comfortable with a certain treatment, then it may not be the right one for you right now. FOr anything to work, you have to have faith it is the right choice for you. We are all different, that is why there is no one solution, right? It seems like you have a supportive school that is willing to work with you. If there are child specialists (psychiatrist and psychologist in your area, definitely check them out. They have to go through additional training to get that licensure and children are a different breed (don't we all know that!)
The book recommended is one we recommend all the time. I haven't read it but have read excerpts other works by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and it is on my list for this summer.
THis is certainly long enough. I just hope that you are able to find the right solution for you and your son at this point in your lives, remembering that there is no 1 right answer, nothing is permanent and sometimes it takes more than 1 try. IT seems like he has such a supportive mother that he already has that in his favor whatever other courses of action you may choose.
No worries on the post. I truly appreciate your imput on everything! And don't ever feel funny about offering advice, I can use all the help I can get...obviously! ;o)
One question though...
I really want to try the behavior modification process first, but my concern with this is that my son (without sounding cocky here) is almost TOO smart for it at times. I worry that he will find ways around it because, anyone who knows him knows that, that, I am afraid- is entirely possible. He's sometimes too smart for his own good, as they say.
I truly think that my issues with him at home are consistency. I will openly admit, that is where I fall short at times. I try to stick to my guns, but at times I just "give up" I know...I know...that's not good. I know this is something I need to work on myself.
The diet thing is also worth looking into, I'll check that out.
THANK YOU...sincerely!
Glad to have you reading...I'll add you to my blogroll!
:o)
I still just think that because you are a concerned parent, investing time in learning more and find the right solution, is such a positive in his life.
I appreciate the compliment...it means a lot to me. Sometimes moms just need to know that they are doing the right thing.
You have helped a great deal...
I truly appreciate it.
I'll update on how things go with the social worker, as soon as we get going.
Hugs...
Don't you just love Becs? And she's got the cutest little daughter (flamingo kid) too! :)
I'll have to ask to see pics of cuteness.
:o)
You are welcome to check out my blog anytime. Just click on my name and you should see a link to our site :) Right now we are dealing with big issues like goodbye to the pacifier and weekly American Idol updates, its a real page turner of a blog. (ha ha)
I only recently made it public but am enjoying learning about others through their blogs and exploring it a little more. Previously it has been only those I know.