"Just about a month from now I'm set adrift, with a diploma for a sail and lots of nerve for oars."
-Thomas Keats
-Thomas Keats
I wasn't going to post for awhile...I know.
But I needed to get some things off my chest and this is the supposed place to do it...so here I am.
First off, thank you- Becs, Ramble, and Sue for the kind words and the encouragement. I appreciate it greatly. You all rock.
So...ok...
I took my chapter 6 test today, which was a brute. But, I studied all last week and all weekend, including my cram session last night. (I was up til 2:30 this morning...ugh) Needless to say, I am exhausted, and just over it all. I still have one more test to take which happens to be a makeup test from chapter 5. And then...two quizzes next week. If I just pass the test I took today, and do ok on the makeup test, I SHOULD, and let me stress...SHOULD pass with a low D. And consequestly, I will NOT have to take the final...which I am desperately hoping for.
Let me say this (so not to leave all interested parties in suspense) I think I did OK on my test today...factoring finally sunk in, and adding and subtracting rational expressions wasn't nearly as challenging for me now that I figured factoring out. SO...my factoring test scheduled for Friday should be OK. I still need to study a few details that I'm a little shaky on, but for the most part, I FINALLY get it.
WHEW.
Let us all hope and pray that I am successful.
Now, getting to my point here.
Today I got my cap and gown.
I paid the lady, and she handed me my future in a neat little plastic bag labeled "Jostens"
It is all sinking in now.
The HOURS AND HOURS of missing time with my friends, my family, even my son at times (which I am not particularly proud of)
The worrying
The crying in frustration
The doubt
The head bowing embarassment of being the dumbest person in a BASIC algebra class surrounded by people almost 20 years my junior.
The paper writing
The research
The bullshitting my way through said papers rather that actually doing the research.
(oh, and getting an "A" anyway)
The sacrifice
The part time job waiting tables (which I am abnormally good at...BUT LOATHE)
The being broke (constantly)
Everything...comes down to what I saw in the mirror today.
Me.
Standing there in my wrinkled black gown
And hoky mortarboard.
Blue and gold tassle adorning a gold 08'
Me.
A college graduate.
A single mom.
A 37 year old neurotic, emotionally needy, basket case.
A college graduate.
WOW.
Whether it is only junior college means little to me at this point.
I FINALLY did something right (besides creating a great kid 7 years ago)
I would be (if my mom were still with us) her second accomplished offspring.
And she would be able to introduce me as she does my big brother...
A college graduate.
A little dramatic?
Perhaps...but who cares...it's me.
AND I DID IT!
Even IF I happen to not pass that damned algebra class...I will re take it.
I DID IT!
17 freaking years of blood, sweat and tears (more tears than anything else)
Done...over.
So...again, back to ALL of you who have posted encouraging comments, words of kindness,
love, and faith. You are all in mine and the lords good graces fore being a good group of friends.
And for knowing I could do it...even when I didn't.
I love you all.
Thank you from the very bottom of my heart.
As I stated before, those of you who would like to come to the birthday/graduation party May 10th at 7:30pm. Are ALL invited...the more-the merrier.
Just one thing though...if I have never met you, OR have perchance only met you once...please come and say HI when you arrive!
If you have alternate plans, that it fine as well...you will all be there in spirit, I'm sure...and your support has been a better gift than I could ever ask for.
I have created a tiny miracle here, and you all have been witness to it.
That may only happen once in a lifetime.
Now, for my next trick...changing that graduation gown into a wedding gown before I am 50 years old.
That could very well be two miracles in one lifetime... But I'm not holding my breath.
Some things never change.
Last thought-
"You are educated. Your certification is in your degree. You may think of it as the ticket to the good life. Let me ask you to think of an alternative. Think of it as your ticket to change the world..."
-Tom Brokaw
Celebrating the miracle-
Jaded
Comments
A degree, a graduation, no matter on what level, is still an accomplishment of which to be proud. We all have different academic pursuits and goals. They all should be celebrated!
I guess the good thing is Chapter 5is your retake. You should be able to do ok on given you just did Chapter 6!!!
And of course, your party is a little far of a trek from FL ;) But I will be there in spirit.
and awww....come on you know you wanna do the "customs boogie" in the airport just to come to my cheezy little party!
;o)
Thanks again Becs...
One Love.
I just realized that your party is Mother's Day weekend... how fitting!
Call or email me and give me your address, and a gift will be on it's way to you unless you want to meet in person before then. :)
The party is at The Creve Coeur VFW which is on Main Street right by Diary Queen in Creve Coeur.
Hope you can make it!
:o)