So this weekend was pretty darn good. I spent it at boyfriends place. It was relaxing, and sinful, and NEEDED.
I haven't written a post about boyfriend in awhile...so I thought I would tonite. I actually need to go to bed, but...I'll stay up a little later for ya'll and give you the skinny, I guess.
NO...still no three little words YET. BUT...our one year anniversary is fast approaching on the 22nd of this here month, and if he says it good...if not...carry on as usual. I said I wasn't going to obsess over it anymore, and I meant it.
I came to a conclusion last week while thinking...which, believe it or not, I do a great deal of on a daily basis. I have a friend...we'll call her "Mary" Mary is 25, single, and looking for a good guy. She's a great girl. Funny, smart, sweet, pretty. I could go on and on but we'll just say that she has loads going for her...she's a quality girl. She reminds me ALOT of myself at her age actually. I see lonliness in her eyes though...and even through her beautiful smile a lot of the time. I worry about her and the guys she chooses to hook up with, keep company with, hang out with etc...
I lecture her a little too much at times, but I can't help it, damnit! My motherly side pokes out like a boner a little too often around her.
I see her mistakes...
I KNOW her mistakes...like an old friend coming back to stalk me.
I just KNOW.
Anyway, hearing her struggles with members of the opposite sex, and knowing full well that I have made the same, and also knowing full well that I have been through virtually the same things at one time or another made me think.
I am lucky.
I am truly a lucky girl in many many ways.
I have a guy, CORRECTION, I have a GREAT guy.
He treats me with respect, and patience, and kindness...he takes care of me...he listens to me...he truly cares for and about me and my "spirited" 7 year old.
I have him...and he has me.
And most of the time, I am not lonely...because of him.
And here is Mary...lonely, and feeling alone.
As smug as it may sound, I am truly blessed.
The point?
The point is exactly this:
I truly need to stop being concerned with what I "should" have and more about what I already do in my life.
What the future holds...time will only tell. But for now, I am going to wrap up all these good moments and hold on to them and be happy IN them like I should, and just STOP the madness of worry about what could be, or even what should be.
I have to stop living in the past, and perhaps...even living in the future... and just be happy in the NOW.
It took a good friends trials and tribulations for me to be reminded of this, and while I regret that she is going through what she is, I know that somehow, someday she is intelligent enough to figure this very same thing out for herself...given time and (shudder) patience.
Yeah...the grass is always greener, sure...but I also know that my neighbors used tons of chemicals and horse shit to get it that way.
And I have enough horse shit in my life as it is.
I take my grass brown and unmowed if you please, thanks so much.
Here's to TODAY...the laughter over comedy television, frozen pizza and love making rivaling the kama sutra. Here's to TODAY...the backrub, the sweet kiss goodbye, and the poking of fun at my expense. Here's to TODAY...the breakfast, the combined shower, and the hand holding.
HERE'S TO TODAY.
Last thought-
" Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a car ride away..."
-Carrie Bradshaw (SATC)
Avoiding Fertilizer at ALL costs-
Jaded
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