Brainstorms and Douchebags...

Sorry that I have been out of commission, but things have been weird around here.

I'll tell you all about it in a minute...but first...

One of the reasons I have been vacant from the blogosphere is because I have been considering something. Something I have actually been pondering for years, but haven't had the guts to attempt until recently.

My friends...I am going to try and write seriously publishable.

I am going to begin by starting a new blog. Oh don't worry...this one will still be up and running, although I am not sure how often I will post here. I have discovered over the last few years that a blog, followed by a compilation of said blog postings and the roots of said blog is the easiest door into an agent and a publisher.

The new blog will be about the following things: single motherhood, single motherhood and the trials of being broke...all the damn time, single motherhood and a social life, and single motherhood and a love life. Oh yeah...I almost forgot. Being an overweight, neurotic single mother, with all these other challenges.

So there you have it.

I'm scared, I'm not confident in my writing ability and thats why I haven't tried to have much published...but I feel like I have to do it...for me, if for no one else.

And that's that.

What do you guys think? I mean...don't sugar coat anything for me, k? Tell me the absolute truth because I value your opinions. Do you think I am capable? Or a better question...do you think that I am talented enough? Is this pipe dream dooable?

I will not be offended by the truth...I promise. SO SPILL.

Ok, now for the real weirdness.

I am being stalked.

Yes...you read correct...I am being stalked.

Guess who????

Let me give you some background first.

Two weekends ago I found myself alone. With my friends either busy, or out of town...and my boyfriend busy with his kid.

I was bummed because this was my birthday weekend...and I had no one to celebrate with.

I was depressed beyond all words. I cried a ton that weekend.

But...Saturday night, I picked my 37 year old self up off the couch and out of my bathrobe and decided to check out one of my favorite local bands at a not so local bar...Goodfellas in Pekin to be exact. I showered, depuffed my face with cucumbers, straightened hair, applied makeup and went to the bar...alone. UGH.

Anyhoo, I did talk to the guys in the band (all good friends) and the sound guy (have known for years) and I actually ran into a few girls that I work with. As I was walking to the john I ran into a big guy not watching where he was going. OH SHIT.

Staring me directly in the face was none other than David.

Yes...THE David.

Again, OH SHIT.

I just looked at him for a half a beat, and quickly walked away without a word. I cannot say with complete re-assurance that when I did look up at him I didn't give him a really dirty scowl...but I probably did, knowing me.

Anyway, he just stood there and watched me walk away, and acted like he wanted to say something.

I stood with my friends from work and bullshitted after I went the the ladies and collected myself.

What the fuck was he doing here?

He knows I come here...he knows Bubblegum Jack is my favorite band. He never went to bars before. Why the FUCK is he here???

A little more background that I almost forgot: He and the baby's mama broke up again a month ago. I found this out from his sister a month ago...she couldn't WAIT to call and tell me. I told her that I could care less, and that he is a douchebag. BUT...she still felt like she needed to tell me anyway.

So...while at the bar surrounded by colleagues, he stared at me. He literally stared at me from across the room. So much so that my friends even noticed this random "hottie" checking me out. BARF.

I knew then that the night that was seemingly shaping up to be a pretty good one was now shit and I needed to get the hell outta dodge and quick like. One problem though: He wouldn't stop watching me- and my friends had by this time left for another bar. I was alone and he was watching creepily. SO I bided my time, trying to get out of his eyeshot and waited for him to hopefully leave first...no luck.

I didn't want to leave alone and have his stupid hillbilly ass follow me outside.

I wasn't sure what to do at this point.

So, I called a guy friend of mine and asked him to come rescue me. No dice...he was busy...whatev...

I was stuck.

FINALLY 30 minutes later I happened to look over and saw him walking towards the bathroom himself. As soon as he went in...I bolted.

Thank God that was over...I did not want to talk to him at all. He makes my skin crawl.

Was it over though?

Monday comes and I walk out to my mailbox in my house slippers and get my mail.

There's an envelope with no return address-adressed to me in girlie handwriting. I figured it was a graduation invite since May has been filled with them. I opened it up and it was nothing but a plain music CD...no writing, no note, no nothing...just a CD.

I put it in my puter...and this is what piped out:

Without You By: El Presidente

(please consider the lyrics)

Well I know I made a lot of wrong decisions

Yes I know I put you though a million mindless things

If I only had the heart to say I want you

And it's so bad and almost sad but it's so hard to give

Without You,

I don't want anybody

Without You,

I don't need anybody

Without You,

what you want me to do?

Cos there ain't no way that I could possibly love

Without You

Would you ever reconsider what we started?

If I had the ways and means to work this whole thing out

And I know that I have left you broken hearted

I guess I feel that I ain't proud of what I've done to you

Without You,

I don't want anybody

Without You, I don't need anybody

Without You, what you want me to do?

Cos there ain't no way that I could possibly love

Without You

We've got romance

we've got a chance

Don't blow it baby

What you want me to do?

Do you want me to leave you baby?

What you want me to say?

I can't live Without you baby

Cos without you

What you need me to do?

Cos there ain't no way that I could possibly love

Without You

This is the video in case anyones interested:

http://new.music.yahoo.com/videos/--21217736

Coincidentally...I LOVE this song...now it's ruined for me...

What a fucktard.

Ok...so moving on.

This weekend, Doug had his kid again...he has her memorial weekend this year, so he had her two weeks in a row.

And again...I was pretty much chillin alone since it was the same sitch with me and my baby daddy as far as Bubba was concerned. So I was sans kid and bored.

I stayed home though...I didn't have any money to go out.

12 am Saturday night/Sunday Morning I hear a car door slam outside.

I looked out my window...and yep...you guessed it.

The fucktards white truck idleing in front of my house.

This happened 3 times over this last weekend.

I don't have a freakin clue how he even got my address.

UGH.

I told Doug about the CD, but haven't mentioned the appearance at Goodfellas OR the drive-by's.

Seriously?

What am I going to do?

I considered calling his sister and asking her to tell him to knock it off...SO NOT INTERESTED.

And EVEN if I WAS single, I still wouldn't be...whatsoever.

But I am still friends with her, and I do car about her a lot and I don't want to get her involved in this drama.

Hopefully he will just get the hint and go the fuck away.

Anyway...now you know why I have been absent. I have just had weirdness.

I will let you all know about the new blog when I get the time to set it up and all that.

In the meantime, what's your take on the book thing?

No last thought tonite... tired and going to bed.

Later taters-

Jaded

PS...

The job hunt is NOT going well...not one bite on my resumes.

Starting to panic.