Curveballs...

So...Christmas is over and we ring in a new year soon.

Let me tell you...the way this year transpired, I welcome the newness.

(This from a chick who despises change usually.)

I do want to talk about the changes in this year...some good, some dreadful, and recap a little from the perspective of Jadedgirl in 2008.

There are many, but be cheerful in the knowing that some of them are actually positive.

For once.

We shall see if they stay positive.

One can never fully assume anything, in my world.

Good change #1...

One of my best friends kicked her husband out last week.

He was a lazy, no working, pot smoking, video-game playing, bigot.

He never helped with the kids, never lifted a finger to clean.

And never cooked-ever.

LOSER.

So my friend, who enabled him in this lifestyle for years, finally told him to get the eff out.

Good girl! UGH...FINALLY!

Myself and my other two best friends have begged her for years to get rid of this guy, but she was always scared of it...for what reasons...I couldn't tell you.

She just was.

After a long time of bitching about it- to her- myself, I decided to back off and let her live her own life.

And thankfully...she finally made the right decision for her and her kids.

And he is SO out of there.

Good change #2...

I graduated from college.

For those of you who missed my inherent rambling back in May about hating the torture of Algebra...you know this.

Anyway...here I am, a graduate. (A graduate who fell into a really really bad job market, but-still, a graduate, nonetheless.)

After 17 years of back and forth and start and quit and 18 hour full loads and 3 hour part time loads. Working full time, schooling full time and taking care of my child full time, it was OVER. In May of 2008...Miss Jadedgirl became Miss Jadedgirl-A.A.

halle-effin-lujah.

Good change #3...

I discovered that being alone isn't the same as being lonely.

I stopped worrying about the expectation of wanting the standard courtship and marital bliss fairy tales. I finally realized that I can never be happy unless I am ok with what I am, who I am, and what may or may not be.

I may never be married...and that's ok.

I may never be loved in the way I was expecting from relying on the Cinderella stories of yore...and that's ok.

I may always be floating around in this world, fated to be the single girl...and that's ok.

FINALLY...I figured it out, and it took me years...literally.

And you know what?

That's ok too.

Cause I finally did.

Good change #4...

I moved to a gossip-free, drama-free, quiet neighborhood in a better school district. My house is a cracker box, but I like it. There are really no kids Bub's age to play with, either...but it keeps him close, and safe. I like the place, and would like to buy a house somewhere in the neighborhood at some point.

I got away from David and his immaturity, and the neighborhood speculating on the status, and the worry that Doug was going to one day bust out the Louisville Slugger and teach the gossip mongers a lesson.

Less stress, less worry, more peace and quiet, and a better landlord-to boot.

Moving was a good idea all around...and change for the better.

Good Change #5...

Doug got a promotion at work. Better pay, better digs, more techno-gadgets, and more responsibility. Less boredom, and less having to deal with his sometimes-a-pain-in-the-butt-boss. He gets out of the office more, and has some freedom.

He can possibly get more financially stable with the raise he is going to receive as well.

All in all...a good change.

Good Change #6...

Two other sketchy retards get kicked out of their houses as well.

See ya, Blago and Village Idiot. The world will celebrate your departure...

Nuff said.

Now, as is the balance of good and evil, there has to be bad changes as well. And while I could spend all damn day posting a list of the bad that has transpired in Jadedgirl's world in 2008, I will limit it as much a humanly possible, so not to bum everyone out.

Bad Change #1

My closest uncle was diagnosed with Colon Cancer. Stage 2.

He has spent the year in the chemo recliner, and under the radiation lights.

He had clean scans the last he went, so as it stands...we are all praying.

Especially me.

My Uncle Joe is my moms younger brother, and he and his wife are the best people ever.

They stepped into my mom's shoes after she passed away, and have been really supportive of me. My Aunt Wanda is like my substitute mother, and uncle Joe...has been like dad.

They BOTH adore my son, and have been there as pseudo-grandparent types to him since he was born. As a matter of fact...if anything were ever to happen to me, I have stipulated it in my will that Bub go to be taken care of by my Aunt Wanda and Uncle Joe. Uncle Joe cried when I told them this...He was thrilled.

Point is...I love them both dearly, and of anything were to happen to either of them...I would completely freak.

Completely.

So...when he was diagnosed...I was devastated.

I was at the hospital every day.

And I worried incessantly.

He seems to be in complete remission now...but Colon Cancer is so sketchy, and so readily able to find another spot to attach itself, it's still touch and go.

Scary stuff.

That was a BAD BAD BAD change.

Bad Change #2...

Last June we lost my 12 year old cousin to Neuroblastoma. (Cancer)

His name was Dalton Dean Scott Blakely...and he was an amazing kid.

He fought as hard as he could for as long as he could...and it took him-painfully.

Pardon me, if I don't talk about this for a very long time as it is still hard to deal with.

He is happier, and pain free- chillin with my mom (Aunt Shirley) in heaven...

And that is that.

Bad Change #3...

I got dumped.

Doug and I officially called it quits back in July.

Doug then started seeing someone else.

And then Doug got dumped.

And now...well we are what we are.

And as getting dumped may have seemed as a bad change at the time, it is more somewhere in the middle now.

It hurt like hell.

It was brutal.

BUT, in his defense...and I believe that I have typed these very words before...

He handled it very well. I have never been so politely broken up with, frankly.

He was sweet, and regretful, and truly hurting right along with me.

So what's good about all this?

The fact that it took him dumping me to realize the mistakes I was making.

To realize that expectations are for suckers.

And to get the mental plumbing shrunk and reflect on the real root of my unhappiness.

The best part of the good side of the bad change... LOL is that Doug and I became more actually than we were. More and better. We are best friends...and always will be. And I couldn't be more happy about that.

Bad Change #4...

I found a job in August. A good job. It paid well.

Two weeks later...I got fired.

Bastards.

They never did let me know why I was let go either.

Bastards.

Bastards.

Bastards.

Yeah...despite my current AWESOME job, I am still bitter.

Why?

Because it destroyed my confidence, and made me paranoid.

BASTARDS!

Bad Change #5

Financially...this has been a really bad year for me. And while I know we are ALL struggling with the economy being what is is currently, I have really had the screws put to me this year. (And NOT in the good way)

I have been scarily close to losing my car by repo-man countless times, Cilco has been turned off once, my phone has been turned off countless times, and Rent A Center is currently stalking me. Finishing school may have been a good long-run thing...but having to work part-time all that time, and having no fall backs, not to mention getting FIRED in August. BASTARDS!

I am still really far behind.

So far that I have had to take out loans.

Not the low interest personal loans from your bank or credit institutions, either.

No...the loan-sharking 150% interest kind of loans.

Payday loans.

Rip off the desperate-kinda loans.

So, in actuality, I have spent more money than I would have, really.

But, like I said...desperation is my middle name these days.

So- the stress that has put upon me has created health problems as well.

That takes us to bad change #6...

Bad Change #6...

Old age has instituted that I now wear glasses.

I have I.B.S. ( Irritable Bowel Syndrome) Or a convenient term for the Doctor's now knowing what is wrong with my stomach.

And I was put on anti-depressants due to being crazy, apparently.

My hair is falling out in handfulls, and my skin is always a mess.

Plus I am 25 lbs overweight.

I am falling apart.

Bad Change #7

I have lost a good friend this year.

I am not sure why, either.

5 years ago, we were a couple and it obviously didn't work out, but we remained friends.

Before Doug, after Dipshit David, he was a tremendous help in getting me out of my funk of that horrible time.

He WAS always there for me when I needed him...via phone call, or a random stop by.

I called him when Doug told me he was going to start dating "Natasha" (the redhead)-obviously distraught, and he didn't answer. He never called me back after crying to his voicemail, or texted me. And now...he took my blog off the links to his blog-and hasn't even tried to make contact with me since June (where we ran into each other at Steamboat Days)

I knew that he has always had issues with selfishness (one of the...well, hell- the biggest reason we broke up) I also have known that he has issues with substance abuse (another reason we ended it) But he and I always have remained good friends, regardless.

I worry about him even still, even though he is being a first class jerk.

I wish I knew what I have done, really...because I HATE losing friends.

And losing this friend is even worse.

This guy and I would have been AWESOME together if he could have worked through his issues, and I could have been less clingy, I suppose.

But in every other way, we were awesome!

He is smart, hilarious, and always the life of the party-drunk or sober.

He made me laugh so often, I always left him with sore cheeks from smiling.

But...I digress.

I care a great deal for him- still.

But now...whether or not he reads this (because he knows damn well whom he is)

And if he calls or even cares to contact me in any way...

I am not sure I will let this one slide.

I have always been there for him when he has asked/needed me.

And he abandoned me...at a time I really needed his friendship.

And to this day, he hasn't bothered to take time out of his drinking schedule to contact me.

I'm pretty pissed off, and I am not sure that he can ever make this up to me, or that I will ever be ok with this.

Dramatic? Probably...

But I don't care...I am who I am...take me or leave me.

And don't count on me for the Blogger Bashes...I really don't care to run into him anytime soon.

Bummer on that one.

Bad Change #8

I may get laid off.

I think I already discussed this in another post...so read it if you haven't yet...it will explain.

That's about it for the bad stuff. Well...the major bad stuff anyway. There are lots of little bitches here and there as the year has transpired. But...I won't bother with those, they could fill 100 pages.

There is one last thing though...and it's a good change that I was saving for last on purpose to end this post on a happier note.

Good Change #7

I gained a friend this year as well.

She knows whom she is.

We will just call her my saving grace Santa for now.

She helped me with some Xmas presents for Bub this year, or otherwise it would have been a blue Christmas, instead of a "pink" one.

Santa...you are the best, and you are owed a big one.

So...that is it for now.

Good changes...bad changes...and learning how to roll with both.

I am getting better at it everyday.

Soon curveballs could become my specialty...who knows?

Last thought-

"Some people change when they see the light, others when they feel the heat..."

-Caroline Shroeder

Rolling with them-

Jaded