It's almost like a cold set of fingers wrapped round my heart when this takes hold of me.
Like a cloud of regret and longing that makes me seethe.
and I have no recourse for the life I built.
The hardness of this world gives me little breath and little less of my will.
So the fact remains
he will never come back.
and my life will continue into it's end.
At some point-there is refrain.
When the lonliness is as palpable as my coffee, and as black as the same.
I figure mixing in some lightener could help me find my name.
But as it is...it remains cloudy.
Like the day.
And I am awake at 2:30...waitjng for it all to change.
Life.
So, bad poetry for a bad day and evening.
I am missing him so much some days that it is hard to breathe and function.
I see her posts on facebook to his sisters, who used to feel like my sisters and it makes me miserable.
We don't even have the friendship he promised me.
I'm sick of my dillusionment and dreaming of him and nothing changing.
Trying to make my own opportunities...if for nothing else than to get laid and score a free dinner occasionally.
But everytime, it seems-what I used to be able to do...as in...just "do it" I cannot do anymore.
Much as I have tried.
There is no comparison in my brain or heart anymore...it just sits inside me like a tired sigh of acceptance than he is never coming back.
Never.
Never.
And then I resolve to do what I must and move on...and get to the damn date and freeze like a doe in headlights.
I am not the girl I once was.
I want to clear myself and find someone...I resolved that. Or so I thought I did.
Apparently not.
I think being unemployed is giving me too much time to think instead of just doing it.
Rant over...crying to follow and maybe a dreamless sleep in my lonely bed tonight.
Although...I highly doubt it.
Last thought-
"The most terrible poverty is lonliness and the knowledge of being unloved..."
-Mother Teresa (the real one)
In poverty-
Jaded
Like a cloud of regret and longing that makes me seethe.
and I have no recourse for the life I built.
The hardness of this world gives me little breath and little less of my will.
So the fact remains
he will never come back.
and my life will continue into it's end.
At some point-there is refrain.
When the lonliness is as palpable as my coffee, and as black as the same.
I figure mixing in some lightener could help me find my name.
But as it is...it remains cloudy.
Like the day.
And I am awake at 2:30...waitjng for it all to change.
Life.
So, bad poetry for a bad day and evening.
I am missing him so much some days that it is hard to breathe and function.
I see her posts on facebook to his sisters, who used to feel like my sisters and it makes me miserable.
We don't even have the friendship he promised me.
I'm sick of my dillusionment and dreaming of him and nothing changing.
Trying to make my own opportunities...if for nothing else than to get laid and score a free dinner occasionally.
But everytime, it seems-what I used to be able to do...as in...just "do it" I cannot do anymore.
Much as I have tried.
There is no comparison in my brain or heart anymore...it just sits inside me like a tired sigh of acceptance than he is never coming back.
Never.
Never.
And then I resolve to do what I must and move on...and get to the damn date and freeze like a doe in headlights.
I am not the girl I once was.
I want to clear myself and find someone...I resolved that. Or so I thought I did.
Apparently not.
I think being unemployed is giving me too much time to think instead of just doing it.
Rant over...crying to follow and maybe a dreamless sleep in my lonely bed tonight.
Although...I highly doubt it.
Last thought-
"The most terrible poverty is lonliness and the knowledge of being unloved..."
-Mother Teresa (the real one)
In poverty-
Jaded
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