Cutting Teeth. (Or why I hate trolls)

I have been thinking a lot today about my new writing assignment-or NANOWRIMO.

Truth be told, I'm getting a little freaked out by it. Or, overwhelmed...if you will.
Writing a novel is a BIG undertaking, and scares the holy crap outta me. I'm excited too, don't get me wrong. But, (sigh) the self-doubting troll that lives in my brain has been rearing it's ugly voice more often than naught lately.
It talks to me...
Yes, I said it...my self-doubting troll talks to me.
Yeah...like you don't have a self-doubting troll in your head that talks to you. Oh...you don't? My bad.

Anyway, it says things like..."But, Jaded...what if you get bored and don't finish-you fickle bitch!"
And
"But Jaded...what if it just royally sucks and no one would ever want to read it?"
And...last but not least it says:
"You will never come up with an ending. Your ending will suck."

And that last whisper of the troll...is what is plaguing me the most.

The ending.

Ok, it's a memoir, so it's my life...and there's an ending-it's right where I am now. But my life right now...is for lack of a better term-SUCKY.
And BORING.
And TRITE.

And UGH...Horror of horrors.............................
CLICHE.

I could barely say it. Ewwww.

So, what will I have to say...and better yet, pertaining to my ending-my life is NOT what a reader wants to read.

Ok, some background.

I HATE books AND movies that have a lame-ass ending.
I will never watch a movie or crack a book again that has a boring or non-interesting ending.
I LIKE inspirational, twist, and feel-good endings.
I have never understood why people would like something-song, book or movie-wise without an interesting ending.
It HAS to invoke something in me to be a book that I would recommend, or want to read again. That's how I roll, I guess.

So...what in the holy hell am I going to say about my current state.

Here's how it truly is right now.

Officially unemployed, bored to tears in too small of a house watching my son play pee-wee football and in a custody battle.

That's just not good enough.

How does this story end?

I mean...I guess I could NOT call it a memoir and still make it a memoir with embellishments.
That's what I tried before, but it got too story-like.

Ok, explanation...
I want it to be a story...but in my own voice.
I don't want it to read like a story-story.
Geez...I know...this makes no damn sense.

Ok...Let's try this...
I don't want it to be like this:

Once upon a time there was a single mom who had nothing and yada yada yada.

I want it to read JUST like this blog.

Real and truthful and honest.

Well-written, but honest.

I think this goes to voice and style-
I know my style is a bit...erm...crunchy and maybe even hard around the edges...and I like it that way.
But, how do I stay REAL? I mean REALLY real and add some embellishments to modify the boring-ass ending.

Can I just embellish the ending only?

Is that ok?

See...that damn troll. I hate him.

And YES...he is a man.

I prefer to vilify men in my current state of mind, thank you very much.

Troll evil bad...troll smash book idea...troll a bad man troll...must crush Jadedgirl dream with hammer of doom and doubt! ARGGGGGGH!

Fucking troll. I hate him.

And I still don't know what to do about the damn ending.

A lot of good you are doing me today, blog. Thanks for nothing. Grrr.

Any ideas anyone?

Last thought-

“Writing a novel is like making love, but it's also like having a tooth pulled. Pleasure and pain. Sometimes it's like making love while having a tooth pulled.”

-Dean Koontz

Cutting my teeth-

Jaded