Yes...another addition to the Ex-Philes and the next installment of another failed relationship.
Depressing.
But note-worthy, because they keep me on my toes.
Brian #2
Yes, it appears that I have a penchant for Brians...Considering that I also lost my virginity to one back in 90' (I didn't talk about him only because I don't consider him a relationship, per'se. And I know I didn't love him...I just had "virgin fever," if you will.)
Anyway,
Getting back to Brian #2...
I met Brian #2 through John, whom I spoke of in the very first post of these Ex-Philes.
Brian was John's uncle-in-law at one point and they were still friends, apparently.
We all went out one night and things kinda dissolved into a relationship pretty quickly, thereafter.
After getting to know him for a few weeks, he began bugging me to move in with him.
I was very hesitant since I then knew that he was divorced because he had cheated on his ex.
He went around and around with the explanations, and being the stupid (still very) naive girl that I was in my early 20's...I believed everything he said. UGH.
Background:
Brian wasn't what you could call good looking. He was short, with a round pot belly, and scary- scratchy beard, which I begged him to shave off. he also had a weird thin-lipped mouth.
He did have stunning blue eyes, though, as for one good physical trait.
Other than that, he was the epitome of "blue collar" with large and powerful factory-workers arms and black- stained hands. He smelled like metal shavings at all times, no matter how hard he washed, and his hair was becoming permanently black as well from the soot of the foundry.
He wasn't even close to being my type...
Good ol' boy riding dirt bikes and drinking Natty Light by the firepit.
UGH.
Moving on...
I went against my better judgement and moved in with him after only a month. At first, it was a cozy deal, I worked part-time and went to school while he worked full time at Cat. He made good money and we had weekends to play.
A red flag came up after about a month when he began asking me to watch his daughter on his weekends with her so he could go bowling. I was OK with that for the most part, since I loved his daughter like my own. But after a month of this and being expected to do so, and to make no plans for myself...it became a chore. I resented him for it.
Another month passed and the sex became less and less...
He always claimed he was "too tired"
So after a two week dry-spell...I decided to take matters into my own hands...erm...or into "bobs" hands.
I went to fish bob out from underneath the bed and he wasn't there.
I searched the entire house for him.
No Bob.
I was livid!!!!
Finally, I called Brian at work, to ask nicely where he could have put Bob, and this is how the conversation went:
Him: "What do you need it for???"
Me: "What do you think I need it for???"
Him: "You don't need it..."
Me: "Um...considering your 'tiredness' all the time...yeah, I kinda do...you knew this when we first got together...and as I recall...you liked it at the time...now...where is it?"
Him: "You'll be alright...you don't need anything but me in that area...we'll talk about it later, my break is over and I have to piss..."
::Click::
Red flag #2.
I have never seen a guy feel so threatened by a piece of machinery.
How childish.
We fought about that one for a few weeks and he finally gave in. I hid it where he couldn't find it, actually and then I had it at my disposal.
What can I say...I have always had this libido.
So, as time went on, I was expected to be his live-in nanny, and it was slowly morphing into housekeeper as well.
He wasn't sleeping with me at all by this time.
And then the phone calls began.
An ex girlfriend before me and after the divorce.
Nasty evil phone calls and drama.
I suspected him instantly.
He denied it, obviously. But I knew something was up.
As we continued fighting about...well...everything, I decided to move out.
We were still going to "stay together" and just live apart...
Two weeks after I moved out I went by his place to grab some stuff I had left and he was there with another girl. Not the ex girlfriend I had assumed.
The ex wife.
Apparently the little sleaze got knocked up by some nomad biker guy and he refused to help her while involved in his plan to cross America on his Soft-Tail.
So...even as he had cheated on her before...she knew what kind of money Brian was making, and immediately was knocking on his door.
Conveniently.
He always regretted cheating on her and thought that he still loved her. So, there we were.
I got the whole "I'm so sorry...I never meant to hurt you...I feel horrible...blah blah blah" talk...
And that was that.
I was pretty upset at the time, but I knew I wasn't happy anyway.
Flash ahead 5 years from that time...
Amy and I were at a bar in town, checking out a friends band...and in walks Brian.
We talked for a while and he admitted that he should have never remarrried her, and he wished he would have stuck with me. (They ALL do...)
And while that last statement may sound cocky, it's not meant to be. I guess it has just always been that way...the ones who have dumped me always seem to show back up, and get brutally rebuffed by me. I am not a fan of second chances when I was treated poorly...it's in me to forgive, but forgetting...that has never been an option in my world.
I think that they just look back and realize that the grass isn't always greener, so to speak.
And then they think of me and realize that I had some damn good landscaping..."and what were they thinking!"
Anyway...Brian asks Amy and I to come back to his place and play pool in his basement.
At first...I was like...um...no. But Suddenly, the anger I had at his ex wife (the little gold-digging sleaze that she was) got the better of me and I decided... "sure...let's do this. "
As the night passed, we were getting more and more intoxicated, all of us partying there at his house, and he kissed me. I remembered that he was, in fact- a good kisser and enjoyed it.
I also stopped myself because while he was a good kisser, he lacked in other places. OK...I'll spill it. Being coy never suited me afterall...
He was lacking in the "size" department, and he didn't make up for it elsewhere.
Keep in mind, I am not a girl who believes in quantity over quality in that department, either. I know that it's not the size of the boat, if you will. But Brian never really "got" me sexually. He wasn't much of an adventurous type and he really lacked in creativity there. The sex with him was always vanilla and...short...for lack of a better term.
Now, as I am kissing him and recalling this I still managed to end up in his bedroom.
We didn't "go all the way" but he did make me happy for a time.
And I left him cold.
Why?
Because apparently I was working in karmas behalf that night, and the thought of leaving my leftovers on her marriage bed made me happy.
Wrong?
Sure it was...I do feel bad about it, in some ways.
Satisfying?
Yep.
That was my gift to him, and his greedy wife I guess.
I admit my immaturity in that aspect, but I guess it was all in the learning curve. I have never said that I am always the "innocent" victim in my past of horrors, either.
Married ladies: Please stop cringing, and hear what I have to say right now...
Would I do that sort of thing now...
No, I would not.
I wouldn't get any pleasure out of doing that sort of thing now...no.
I am 37, with all of the revenge drama leaked out of me by now.
I really do believe in karma, and what it can accomplish on it's own without any assistance from me.
But, in my early-mid 20's, I was full of piss and vinegar and was all about at eye for an eye for anyone who crossed me...including ex boyfriends.
So...
That was Brian #2.
I still see him occasionally and recently found out that he is again...divorced from the gold-digger. Apprarently, he cheated on her again. Big shocker...I know. LOL
So karma took care of it's business once again.
The next ex-philes will be a longer on as it will discuss Matthew.
My time in Bloomington-Normal and that goat-screw.
And then we reach "C" (he remains anonymous as I am not sure if he may or may not read my blog.)
And then...DAVID. UGH.
And last but not in the least-least...Doug.
And then a new year and time to let go of the baggage of the ex-philes...once and for all.
As I have purged myself here...hopefully it will all fall away...piece by piece until I am new again.
One can only hope.
Last thought-
"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up..."
-James Baldwin
Still Growing,
Jaded
Depressing.
But note-worthy, because they keep me on my toes.
Brian #2
Yes, it appears that I have a penchant for Brians...Considering that I also lost my virginity to one back in 90' (I didn't talk about him only because I don't consider him a relationship, per'se. And I know I didn't love him...I just had "virgin fever," if you will.)
Anyway,
Getting back to Brian #2...
I met Brian #2 through John, whom I spoke of in the very first post of these Ex-Philes.
Brian was John's uncle-in-law at one point and they were still friends, apparently.
We all went out one night and things kinda dissolved into a relationship pretty quickly, thereafter.
After getting to know him for a few weeks, he began bugging me to move in with him.
I was very hesitant since I then knew that he was divorced because he had cheated on his ex.
He went around and around with the explanations, and being the stupid (still very) naive girl that I was in my early 20's...I believed everything he said. UGH.
Background:
Brian wasn't what you could call good looking. He was short, with a round pot belly, and scary- scratchy beard, which I begged him to shave off. he also had a weird thin-lipped mouth.
He did have stunning blue eyes, though, as for one good physical trait.
Other than that, he was the epitome of "blue collar" with large and powerful factory-workers arms and black- stained hands. He smelled like metal shavings at all times, no matter how hard he washed, and his hair was becoming permanently black as well from the soot of the foundry.
He wasn't even close to being my type...
Good ol' boy riding dirt bikes and drinking Natty Light by the firepit.
UGH.
Moving on...
I went against my better judgement and moved in with him after only a month. At first, it was a cozy deal, I worked part-time and went to school while he worked full time at Cat. He made good money and we had weekends to play.
A red flag came up after about a month when he began asking me to watch his daughter on his weekends with her so he could go bowling. I was OK with that for the most part, since I loved his daughter like my own. But after a month of this and being expected to do so, and to make no plans for myself...it became a chore. I resented him for it.
Another month passed and the sex became less and less...
He always claimed he was "too tired"
So after a two week dry-spell...I decided to take matters into my own hands...erm...or into "bobs" hands.
I went to fish bob out from underneath the bed and he wasn't there.
I searched the entire house for him.
No Bob.
I was livid!!!!
Finally, I called Brian at work, to ask nicely where he could have put Bob, and this is how the conversation went:
Him: "What do you need it for???"
Me: "What do you think I need it for???"
Him: "You don't need it..."
Me: "Um...considering your 'tiredness' all the time...yeah, I kinda do...you knew this when we first got together...and as I recall...you liked it at the time...now...where is it?"
Him: "You'll be alright...you don't need anything but me in that area...we'll talk about it later, my break is over and I have to piss..."
::Click::
Red flag #2.
I have never seen a guy feel so threatened by a piece of machinery.
How childish.
We fought about that one for a few weeks and he finally gave in. I hid it where he couldn't find it, actually and then I had it at my disposal.
What can I say...I have always had this libido.
So, as time went on, I was expected to be his live-in nanny, and it was slowly morphing into housekeeper as well.
He wasn't sleeping with me at all by this time.
And then the phone calls began.
An ex girlfriend before me and after the divorce.
Nasty evil phone calls and drama.
I suspected him instantly.
He denied it, obviously. But I knew something was up.
As we continued fighting about...well...everything, I decided to move out.
We were still going to "stay together" and just live apart...
Two weeks after I moved out I went by his place to grab some stuff I had left and he was there with another girl. Not the ex girlfriend I had assumed.
The ex wife.
Apparently the little sleaze got knocked up by some nomad biker guy and he refused to help her while involved in his plan to cross America on his Soft-Tail.
So...even as he had cheated on her before...she knew what kind of money Brian was making, and immediately was knocking on his door.
Conveniently.
He always regretted cheating on her and thought that he still loved her. So, there we were.
I got the whole "I'm so sorry...I never meant to hurt you...I feel horrible...blah blah blah" talk...
And that was that.
I was pretty upset at the time, but I knew I wasn't happy anyway.
Flash ahead 5 years from that time...
Amy and I were at a bar in town, checking out a friends band...and in walks Brian.
We talked for a while and he admitted that he should have never remarrried her, and he wished he would have stuck with me. (They ALL do...)
And while that last statement may sound cocky, it's not meant to be. I guess it has just always been that way...the ones who have dumped me always seem to show back up, and get brutally rebuffed by me. I am not a fan of second chances when I was treated poorly...it's in me to forgive, but forgetting...that has never been an option in my world.
I think that they just look back and realize that the grass isn't always greener, so to speak.
And then they think of me and realize that I had some damn good landscaping..."and what were they thinking!"
Anyway...Brian asks Amy and I to come back to his place and play pool in his basement.
At first...I was like...um...no. But Suddenly, the anger I had at his ex wife (the little gold-digging sleaze that she was) got the better of me and I decided... "sure...let's do this. "
As the night passed, we were getting more and more intoxicated, all of us partying there at his house, and he kissed me. I remembered that he was, in fact- a good kisser and enjoyed it.
I also stopped myself because while he was a good kisser, he lacked in other places. OK...I'll spill it. Being coy never suited me afterall...
He was lacking in the "size" department, and he didn't make up for it elsewhere.
Keep in mind, I am not a girl who believes in quantity over quality in that department, either. I know that it's not the size of the boat, if you will. But Brian never really "got" me sexually. He wasn't much of an adventurous type and he really lacked in creativity there. The sex with him was always vanilla and...short...for lack of a better term.
Now, as I am kissing him and recalling this I still managed to end up in his bedroom.
We didn't "go all the way" but he did make me happy for a time.
And I left him cold.
Why?
Because apparently I was working in karmas behalf that night, and the thought of leaving my leftovers on her marriage bed made me happy.
Wrong?
Sure it was...I do feel bad about it, in some ways.
Satisfying?
Yep.
That was my gift to him, and his greedy wife I guess.
I admit my immaturity in that aspect, but I guess it was all in the learning curve. I have never said that I am always the "innocent" victim in my past of horrors, either.
Married ladies: Please stop cringing, and hear what I have to say right now...
Would I do that sort of thing now...
No, I would not.
I wouldn't get any pleasure out of doing that sort of thing now...no.
I am 37, with all of the revenge drama leaked out of me by now.
I really do believe in karma, and what it can accomplish on it's own without any assistance from me.
But, in my early-mid 20's, I was full of piss and vinegar and was all about at eye for an eye for anyone who crossed me...including ex boyfriends.
So...
That was Brian #2.
I still see him occasionally and recently found out that he is again...divorced from the gold-digger. Apprarently, he cheated on her again. Big shocker...I know. LOL
So karma took care of it's business once again.
The next ex-philes will be a longer on as it will discuss Matthew.
My time in Bloomington-Normal and that goat-screw.
And then we reach "C" (he remains anonymous as I am not sure if he may or may not read my blog.)
And then...DAVID. UGH.
And last but not in the least-least...Doug.
And then a new year and time to let go of the baggage of the ex-philes...once and for all.
As I have purged myself here...hopefully it will all fall away...piece by piece until I am new again.
One can only hope.
Last thought-
"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up..."
-James Baldwin
Still Growing,
Jaded
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