Ok, believe it or not, this post will likely be the hardest of them all.And yes, I know I incessantly ramble about Doug, but this is the whole story…beginning to present…and what in the hell I am thinking, therein.
I have told Doug that there will be a post, and that he shouldn’t worry about the content being a personal attack on his character or anything like that. It will be honest and mostly positive. I even invited him to read it.
For those of you who are wondering if it will be boring, sentimental tripe…it may be partially. So if sentiment or sweetness bores you…don’t read.
Ok, here goes. (deep breath…in and out…)
Ok, I am ready.
Doug and I first met through a popular internet dating service.
No…not E-Harmony, and Not Match.com…but popular nonetheless.
I approached e-dating with much trepidation and embarrassment.
I mean, it does sound like the desperate way to go, really. I reasoned it to myself that it would be much worse to be hanging out at the bars, or trolling the Laundromats, or scanning the aisles of Home Depot for guys wearing a wedding ring. To me- that constitutes desperation, not shopping online, so to speak.
Shopping was NOT going well, though.
I went through a plethora of rejects, toolboxes, and mama’s boys. I even went on a few dates to see what there was.
That was a mistake…for sure.
The funeral home director, the weird foot masturbator, the text stalker…they were all bad. (I swear, I am not making this up)
I was trying to help my bleeding self esteem after David, and I was using the net to “fill a hole”.
The net wasn’t working, and I was beginning to feel much worse even-figuring that there must be no one out there for me, and I was destined to be alone…forever.
I was just about to cancel my account at the popular dating website when I received another message.
This guy…was pretty good looking, had a very sweet smile and his message seemed genuine. I was almost about to shrug it off and ignore it figuring that they had ALL seemed that way initially, and I was completely wasting my time. But, there was something about this particular guy’s eyes. They had a sadness in them, and a hint of vulnerability…mixed with kindness and steel. It was such a strange combination, I was drawn to him instantly.
I responded to his email and we began chatting on messenger.
I really liked this guy, right from the start.
He asked intelligent questions, and made me laugh…a lot.
Truth be told, my one hold-back was that he seemed a little nerdy, perhaps even a little too safe for me.
I thought to myself a lot…this guy is going to be terrible in bed. He just doesn’t have the dangerous, bad-boy edge to him. There was something too clean there.
You all knowing me by reading know that sex is a mandatory activity in a relationship for me. If you can’t keep up…you are probably history, and if you won’t even try to please me…that’s a deal breaker as well. Yes…yes…I know that sex isn’t everything, but damn…it’s a large part. Especially for me.
I agreed to move ahead of the curve and actually have a phone conversation with him and see if chemistry could evolve there, perhaps.
He called…and it did…from the second I answered the phone and said hello.
Here’s how the conversation went:
Me: Hello.
Him: Teresa?
Me: Hi Doug.
Me: (stunned silence)
Him: Are you there?
Me: Um…yeah…hold on just a sec…
Me: (covering the phone with my hand and jumping up and down and giggling like a school girl)
Him: Should I call back?
Me: Um…no sorry…it’s nice to finally speak with you…in person.
And on and on…til 2 am the conversation went.
You are probably wondering why the retarded jumping around and giggling?
Because….O.M.G.
He had…well, he still has…THE most panty-wetting-and-then-dropping-deep-sexy-voice EVER.
I mean…that was the chemistry decision maker…after I head his voice I was practically dying to meet him face to face. He went from a 5 to a 9 in 2.2 seconds.
Needless to say after a week of telephone flirting and talking…we met for a date.
He took me to Johnny’s Italian Steakhouse (my favorite EVER)
And the date was fabulous.
He got pulled over for speeding on the way to the restaurant…he got out of it though. He called me his lucky charm from that moment on. It was really cute, cause his hand was shaking as he took his license out of his wallet, and I knew he was pretty nervous and a bit embarrassed about being pulled over. I still smile when I think about it…
As we were driving, remembering my self-esteem issues and wondering quietly to myself, I asked him as non-chalantly as I could muster- I pointed to myself and asked him if he liked what he saw.
He smiled a HUGE smile, looked right at me, and said: “Oh yeah…Oh my yes…” and nodded appreciatively.
I blushed.
(Shaddup…)
As we were walking into the restaurant, I pulled my best slick move out and said:
“You know, first dates are generally awkward, but…they don’t have to be. I think that part of that comes from worrying about the end of the date. You know? The kiss part…whether you should or not, or what if it’s bad, or whatever else. That’s why I have developed a system to avoid that awkwardness. Would you like to kiss me now? You know…just to help the nerves and stuff…purely experimental, of course.”
He said: “Well, in the interest of science, I would be able to do that. But, be forewarned…I am typically not that kind of guy.”
We both laughed, and came together for a kiss.
You are expecting rockets and starshine right now aren’t you?
Sorry to disappoint…but the first kiss was just a kiss.
It was soft and sweet, and nice.
But that’s it…
Nothing spectacular.
You see…I gauge my dates “abilities” initially in one way…the kiss.
I have found that 99.9% of the time, the way a guy kisses is completely indicative of how he performs sexually. Period.
This is not to say that the kiss was bad, it was very nice.
But that is all it was…nice…sweet…forgiving.
It was nothing that knocked my socks off.
So…not getting a big thrill from the kiss was worrying me a little. I couldn’t help but think to myself that this was just about right: a great guy…smart…funny…sweet…a gentleman…has his shit together…
And he sucks in bed.
Story of my life.
UGH.
So, shaking it off…we went into the restaurant hand in hand and indulged in a fabulous feast-on his dime.
Yeah…it was a pricey dinner. And that was impressive.
The fact that he was willing to go to that extreme to impress me…was giving me a tingle.
Half way through the date, he looked over at me-smiling that huge smile of his and asked: “Where have you been???”
I blushed…again.
(Shaddup, again)
We left the restaurant and decided to go down the riverfront and take a walk by the river.
It was a nice, April evening, and it seemed romantic.
We sat down at a bench together and talked. He put his jacket around my arms. I was cursing myself for not bringing my shrug.
All of a sudden, we were approached by an incredibly drunken Bradley kid, slurring something about “kicked his ass!” He was staggering all over the place and his ripped and bloody shirt was a tell that he had been in an altercation somewhere in the vicinity. He was friendly enough to us, but we both sat there nervously-waiting for him to go away. Doug protectively put his arm around me and pulled me closer.
He finally went away…thankfully. And strangely enough, knowing both of our twisted sense of humor’s-we have always looked back on that and laughed about it.
He then took full advantage of having his arm around me and leaned in for another kiss.
He held my chin with his finger and came in close.
This time…it was NOT nice.
This kiss, was NOT forgiving, or sweet, or safe.
This kiss was HOT.
Full out fireworks and more panty-dropping chemistry.
I mean WOW.
I decided to sleep with him that night at that very moment.
Damn the taboo, damn the worry whether he will call, damn the naysayers.
I am SO doing this sexy-voiced, amazing kisser tonight.
And I have no regrets to this very day for making that decision. ;o)
We went to my place after stopping off for a few more shots of liquid courage and decided to watch a movie. Things started that way…snuggling and watching a movie. But with each breath he took, and hearing his heart beat under his shirt…and his arms around me-it was all too much to bear. I moved into a position that was more “accessible” to my waiting lips, and he didn’t have to be told…nor has he ever since then.
He took full advantage, and we made out like teenagers for an hour there on the couch.
I had at that point had too much…
I was partially drunk from the wine, and partially from his lips and his hands and his entire repertoire.
I threw aside caution and finally said, with bedraggled hair and red lips: “I know we aren’t supposed to do this, but I think I don’t care anymore…do you want to spend the night???”
I was probably coming off a bit too eager, as his slow, methodical, and patient personality just calmly stretched itself into a Cheshire-cat grin.
He then looked at me and said:
“Are you sure that’s what you want? Cause…I believe that you are worth waiting for, and I can wait.”
I then grabbed his hand and led him into the bedroom.
That was my answer…especially after he said THAT.
Part 2…of the 5 part series to come. The relationship stage.
Last thought-
“A man on a date wonders if he’ll get lucky…a woman already knows…”
-Monica Piper
Lucky me-
Jaded
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