Bitching 101

Pardon me ahead of time if this post is lacking something...like say for instance........a point.

I always wish I could put my feelings here in a sort of story forum.

Sometimes I can, and other times...the creativity is lacking, so you get raw emotion, or even choppy patterns of thought.

And sometimes, on a good day, or a REALLY bad day, you get the story form.

Today will probably be a mix...my creative sun (much like the weather here in Illinois) keeps ducking behind the clouds, and has been for awhile.

So, ok...what I think I am going to do is post my random gripes and thoughts. (Yeah...real original, I know...)

But...(sigh)

I have so many of them.

And I MUST get them off my chest, or I will explode.

Gripe/thought #1

I loathe losing friends.

It angers me BIGTIME when people just walk away from you, with absolutely NO explanation, whatsoever. They just don't have the "wherewithal" (UGH...pretentious word) to "Speak on it."

Anyway...I'll shut up about that, it just pisses me off- and makes me really sad. :o(

Gripe/thought #2

I also loathe pretentiousness-period.

People who walk around believing that they have some corner on the sophistication market.

When really...they are just poor simple folk like the rest of us.

But they would have you believe that they stepped right off of a Paris runway, or a page from the New Yorker.

Fakeness has never appealed to me, in any way shape or form.

Hey, I am an insecure, plausibly annoying, chatterbox who grew up in a trailer park. But...my roots are what make me who I am. There's no shame in that. I evolved into a woman with some class. I admit what I know and all of the things I am still learning about life.

For instance...

I know more about music than anyone else I know-period. And I would come up against scholars and musicians alike on that bet. I can also mix you a stellar dirty martini, or Mojito while telling you about said music.

But, I can't cook a gourmet meal, or tell you what the symbolism of the Mona Lisa is.

I know who I am.

And people who pretend...are really the crazy ones...not me.

Gripe/thought #3

I hate love. Period.

Love is a stupid chemical trick of the brain that lolls you into a false sense of effin security.

And then it crushes you down to the ground with it's heinous death blow...out of nowhere.

And I hate the fact that I am in it.

And I am still trying to get off the ground.

And stop the world from spinning...so I can see clearly again.

And then walk away.

Even if I did, I would still look back though. Because I would be wishing he was chasing after me.

(sigh)

And the saddest statement is...he won't be.

Gripe/thought #4

Fast food is no longer fast OR inexpensive anymore, and it sucks.

Gripe/thought #5

I am thinking of going back to the shrink again. I have absolutely NO coping skills.

And I am a failure.

I have failed myself.

Thought #6

Life would be HORRIBLE without my son...

And it makes me wonder if I am a bad mom for being so annoyingly attached to him.

Gripe/thought #7

Repressed people annoy me too.

I enjoy sex.

I enjoy sex with ONE person...

I do not jump around from guy to guy.

As a matter of fact...I have only had sex with ONE person for the last three years. And before that, almost 2 years...different guy...long term relationship.

I like monogamy.

I like knowing the person and what turns him on, and I like him knowing what turns me on.

That kind of predictability is a GOOD thing.

And sex...it makes me happy.

I am phenomenally good at it. I know a lot about it. It is a good, fun, natural and healthy expression.

It makes me happy-as I said before.

I have mastered the art.

Now, if I could just master love...(that I hate!)

It would be good, and I wouldn't have to hate it at all.

I am so screwed up...ugh.

Gripe/thought #8

Some say "Walk away and see if it comes back to you."

Others say "Fight for it! Don't give up!"

Which is it????

WTF???

Thought #9

My son just walked in on me writing and crying.

He handed me a picture he had drawn of me and him playing in the park together.

At the top it read: My mom and me...she makes me happy.

Love, Logan.

And it made me smile through the tears.

And then...without asking me anything he wiped my cheek off and kissed me goodnight and went to bed.

Jesus.

My kid is just the best.

Gripe/thought #10

I miss my mom and my dad...terribly.

Gripe/thought #11

I wish so badly that they would write TV shows that are even 1/4 as good as Weeds, Sex and The City, or The Office. Reality TV has a place...don't get me wrong.

I am just hungry for GOOD TV again.

And that is about it for now.

Doug just texted me to tell me about a new phone he is getting, and I had the small amount of guts to ask if everything is ok (hes been acting REALLY weird lately...)

And he said...

Stay tuned...I'll write about that later this week...maybe.

(sorry...just don't have the "wherewithal" to discuss that again tonight.)

UGH...there's that damn word again.

Last thought-

"Untold suffering seldom is..."

~Franklin P. Jones

Suffering-

Jaded

P.S.

Ok...One more gripe:

Miley Cyrus is headbanging in a ball gown.

Are you fucking kidding me?

UGH.